Dinner at the Z house

When I was growing up, we ate dinner together every single night.  This may have changed when I was in high school and my dad commuted home from out of town on the weekends, but for the majority of my life, dinner together sitting at the table was our way of life.

I didn't realize how important this was to me and to who I am until N and I moved in together.  I remember once getting my feelings terribly hurt because he ate dinner without me and didn't even ask what I wanted!  It was so ingrained in me to have that time together, it never occurred to me that anyone did anything differently.

Our first house did not have a casual kitchen, but rather a dining room which was just a few feet from our family room where the TV was.  Our routine quickly became eating in front of the TV.  When BBZ was born and began eating solid food, we would usually sit in the dining room and eat while BBZ was in his high chair.

He ate in his high chair until we moved into our new house.  At that time we set up a little table in the small living room where he began to eat his snacks.  I remember having him eat at the table with us a few times, but I quickly learned that he would eat all of his food and often twice as much if he was in front of the TV.  Having a child in the 10th-25th percentile in weight makes way for bad habits like this.  Especially since it seemed to help him eat.

So this became our normal.  He ate every meal at home in front of the TV either at the coffee table or at his little table, depending on what room he was in.  Since I cook dinner (nearly) every night, we all ate at the same time, but BBZ would eat in the little room watching his show.  I was huge and pregnant and would sit at the table since it was easiest, and N would sit in the big room watching what he wanted to watch.

I always knew we would sit together as a family eventually.  I figured it would happen at some point, but I made the decision to change the way we eat when I noticed the way BBZ started behaving in restaurants.  We like to go to restaurants and often do on the weekends.  BBZ's behavior was starting to ruin our meals out.  He wouldn't sit still, would crawl under the table, would constantly complain and would barely eat a few bites of food.  I realized that the only time I was teaching him how to sit at the table was about once/week when we ate out.  Little Mister was not learning a thing.

So one weekend night I told N that I wanted to start eating dinner together as a family at the table in our dining room.  He was on board, so one Saturday night I cooked dinner and called to everyone that it was ready.  BBZ went to sit at his little table to watch his movie and I let him know that we were going to eat at the table together rather than in from of the TV.  What happened next, I did not see coming.

He threw a fit.  And I don't mean a small fit, I mean a 45-minute long screaming fit about wanting to watch a movie.  I was totally unprepared for it.  Once I said it though, I had to stick to my guns, so I did.  Eventually he calmed down and came to the table to eat.  I kept saying to N that I just didn't see that coming.  I really didn't think it was a big deal.  I had no idea that he was that stuck on his routine.  Crazy.  Had I known I would have talked about it all day or lead up to it or something.  Whew, lesson learned.

The next night he came to the table for dinner with no questions.  He did say to me though, "is this better, mommy?"  "Better than what?", I said.  "Better than me screaming?"  It sure was :)

Other than the occasional question about watching a movie at dinner time, the new routine is working beautifully.  He still wiggles and moves and doesn't eat as well as he does in front of the TV, but I think the trade off is definitely worth it.  He's still a skinny-mini at only 30 pounds at 3 years old, but I think this is building a routine that our family will follow for years to come.  LBZ is already sitting at the table with us in his little high chair, so it really is a family dinner.  I've even nursed him at the table while eating my dinner.  It is dinner time for all of us, after all.

BBZ still eats breakfast every day and lunch on the weekends in front of the TV.  He also has a family style meal with his friends for lunch at school.  I figure as long as he has one meal a day with all of us, I have time to teach him how to behave at a table.  It's been about a month or so now, and I know things will just keep improving.

I actually asked him one of the first nights during dinner what happens when he gets up from the table at school and he says to me..."I don't get up from the table at school", like the idea of him doing so was completely absurd.  Ha, I guess I should be happy that he reserves his naughty behavior for us at home!  At least I can be the one teaching him my expectations this way.

I might be a hippie, but...

I talked with a friend not too long ago about the things we do and don't do with regard to parenting.  I would definitely say that some of the things I practice are hippie-esque.  In fact, many of the things I did before I had kids might be described as in line with a hippie lifestyle.  I met my husband while following a band.  We've seen the same band, followed quite publicly by hippies, at least 60 times.  We saw 6 shows in 7 days in 3 cities during one run, which included Widespread Panic and The Dead.  That was awesome.

So it isn't a big surprise that many of the things I practice as a mother are similar in categorization.  Attachment parenting might be another way to categorize many of the things we do.

I'm definitely a natural birthing, extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, non-circumcising, non cry-it-outing, cloth diapering and gentle disciplining mama.

...BUT...

There are also many things that might be considered hippie-esque or in line with attachment parenting that we don't practice.  For example, we don't delay vaccines.  We don't co-sleep.  While I feed my household whole and healthy foods, I do not buy organic.  We go to McDonald's sometimes.  I work full-time outside of the home.  There are things that might be expected of someone "like me" that just aren't things that I do.

We all have our *things*.

I'm not going to go into why I do the things I do, or why I don't do the things I don't do.  They are decisions I have made for various very personal reasons.  In it's most basic description, I've done the things that feel right to me.  That make sense to me.  That my doctor and I agree on.  That my husband and I think is best for our family.  The beauty of living in the country that we do is the basic fundamental right to make the decisions we have all made for our families.

I'm talking about this for no particular reason, just as a reminder to myself and to others that no one has it all figured out.  Categorizing the things I do doesn't mean assumptions can be made about ALL of the things that I do.  Or that anyone else does for that matter.  And we don't need to take so many things in life so seriously.

Here's a clip from a show called Portlandia, that is a new favorite of mine.  I love how it exaggerates eating locally grown food, something we do try and do, especially when eating out.  I love it.

I hope everyone is having a good Monday!

Truthful Tuesdays - Letting Go

It's Tuesday again, and time to get truthful!  Elizabeth over at Confessions from a Working Mom asks us this week:

How has motherhood taught you to let go?

Now that I have made it through the first year of motherhood, I already notice differences between this year and last, as far as my mothering goes.  I think I have let my expectations go.  My expectations of myself, of BBZ, of my husband, and just let things be as they are, because they are just fine!  I know BBZ wakes up at night when he doesn't feel well, so I go and nurse him back to sleep.  I've let go of my worry that this will be a habit and I just do it.  I have let go of the expectation that BBZ will always behave when we are out.  I am prepared to leave if we have to because he, like the rest of us, has bad days too.  I am trying to let go of the fact that N just doesn't hear the monitor.  If I want him to get up with BBZ, I have to wake him up and ask him to get up.  That's just the way it is.  I understand now that BBZ is going to get sick...a lot.  I am going to have to miss work and pay copays and it's going to be expensive.  It sucks, but that's life.  I have accepted that I cannot cook 100% healthy fresh foods for my family all the time.  Gerber foods are not poison and having some in the cabinet are helpful when N and I eat leftovers or order something BBZ won't eat.  It's ok...he's not going to go into some sort of food hypnosis.  Mostly healthy food is better than no healthy food.

So I guess my point is that I had certain expectations of the kind of perfect mother I would be.  I am letting some of those expectations go and rolling with the punches.  It is actually quite refreshing!

Trying Rice Cereal

BBZ has been extremely interested in what everyone around him is eating. He acts hungry after he eats and we thought he might just be ready for rice cereal, so we gave it a try! But it didn't quite work. He opened his mouth when he saw the spoon, but when it got in his mouth he made a really funny face! I don't think he ever did swallow it, he just sort of moved it around until it squished out of his mouth. I think we will try again in a few days...

Mercury Found in High Fructose Corn Syrup

A friend at work brought this scary phenomenon to my attention. According to wikipedia, a recent study found traces of mercury in high fructose corn syrup. Here's the excerpt from wikipedia: In 2009, according to a peer-reviewed report published by Environmental Health, high-fructose corn syrup has been found to be commonly tainted with mercury. Traces of mercury have been found in name-brand foods from makers such as Quaker, Hunt's, Manwich, Hershey's, Smucker's, Kraft, Nutri-Grain, and Yoplait. Mercury is a highly toxic substance. It makes its way into high-fructose corn syrup during its production. Several chemicals are required to make high-fructose corn syrup, including caustic soda, hydrochloric acid, alpha-amylase, gluco-amylase, isomerase, powdered carbon, calcium chloride, and magnesium sulfate. Caustic soda and hydrochloric acid can contain traces of mercury.The Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy, tested 55 consumer items, finding mercury in one third of the samples ranging from 30 to 350 parts per trillion. In the United States the FDA has an action level for methylmercury in commercial marine and freshwater fish that is 1.0 parts per million (ppm), and in Canada the limit for the total of mercury content is 0.5 ppm. A 50-pound child eating just one 6-ounce serving of tuna with a mercury concentration of 0.385 ppm each week would exceed EPA’s reference dose by more than four times; a 140-pound woman eating the same amount would exceed EPA’s reference dose by 40%. If you want to read the full article, here is the link to the PDF document: http://www.ehjournal.net/content/pdf/1476-069x-8-2.pdf Until I started reading, I didn't realize how big of a deal this is. HFCS is in so many foods! Me, being the freaker-outer that I am sometimes, convinced myself that I will only be able to shop at Whole Foods from now on and my grocery bill will go through the roof. Whole Foods sells 100% organic foods, which (as I have learned through my reading) cannot contain HFCS because at this time it is impossible to have 100% organic HFCS. Food can, however, contain HFCS and still label itself as organic or all natural as long as it is 99% or less organic. There is definitely some trickery going on to sneak this not-so-good-for-you sweetener into our food. So after my initial panic and eventual research, I found out that the best way to find out if HFCS is in the food I eat is by reading the ingredients (duh). So I set off yesterday to the grocery store with my list in hand prepared to read every single ingredient that I planned to put in my and my family member's bodies. To my surprise, I only have to put 3 things down that I planned to buy that contained HFCS. Rice brand Italian sausage (got Bob Evans instead), Oreo cookies (which I really didn't need anyway), and the biggest letdown...my favorite Post Special Grains Cereal. Here I though I was making a great cereal choice, but HFCS was hiding in there. So I was happy to see that we have been eating well and shouldn't have mercury in our bodies from HFCS. Except maybe N because he eats lunch out every day. It's hard to know what's in there when you're not the one preparing it. All I know is I am really going to pay special attention from now on.