Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I Seriously Heart Craig's List

I'm not sure who invented Craig's List.  Some guy named Craig, maybe?  Anyway, whoever invented this wonderful online classified ad site was a genius.  At least to this bargain shopper anyway.

I don't have the time, patience or energy to garage sale, unlike my in-laws who always stumble upon unbelievable finds during their garage sale-ing and auctioning (which often results in a new cooking something for me or a huge Tupperware full of Legos for $1 for BBZ!).

So there is nothing I love more than a great deal on a second hand something-or-other.  I read once long before I had BBZ of a woman who had a "green" baby shower where all of the gifts had to be second hand.  I didn't want to go that extreme as I think people should be able to purchase what they want for someone, but I did encourage people to pass their loved items onto me in lieu of a brand new gift.  I ended up with some gently used and very meaningful hand-me-downs for Mr. BBZ.

So, I have just about everything a mama of a boy needs since I have a little boy already, but that doesn't change the fact that there are some things I really wanted to buy.  I created a baby registry to help remember what I need to get and am slowly, but surely, knocking things off that list for mostly more than 50% less than what the baby store wants for them.

First off the list was the newborn to toddler rocker.  I had one for BBZ, but both cats on 2 different occasions made it their home and I didn't think I could wash it.  With a little patience and some creativity, I was able to remove the seat part and wash it up!  It's just like brand new!

Next was the swing.  I bought a used one on Craig's List when BBZ was brand new, but it was not a great swing.  It didn't work well at all, and as much as BBZ LOVED that swing, I didn't want to take any chances with another Craig's List purchase (while I love the site, I would recommend not purchasing anything electronic).  Our friends passed on their well loved swing that is patiently waiting in the playroom for LBZ to arrive.

Besides some prefold diapers and covers, that's about all I have bought for Mr. LBZ.  The best thing so far is my beautiful, brand new breast pump.  I bought a used one on, you guessed it...Craig's List :), for $60 when I was about this far along with BBZ.  It did the trick for the year that I pumped, but barely.  By the end a piece would kind of work its way out and it would make this really bad sound.  The woman I bought it from used it with her 2 kids, so the thing did make it through 3 children.  It was time for a new one.

So I did a little research and found one of the best ones out there, made by Ameda.  I added it to the registry and decided to wait until a good coupon deal came along to make the large investment.  Luckily, my amazing mom and dad offered to buy it for me!  They are so good to me :)  So my mom bought it with a $50 rebate I found and it arrives a few weeks ago!  I really wanted to open it, but the tape that has it sealed says that it is non-returnable if opened and while I'm sure everything with pumping and breastfeeding will go well, you just never know.

So it's sitting in the back closet, also anxiously awaiting the arrival of LBZ.  BBZ was very excited about the box when it showed up, and even more excited when I told him that it is a milk machine to get milk out of mommy's body for his baby brother!  It's fun talking about nursing with BBZ because he totally remembers how all of it works.  It was just 6 months ago that he weaned, after all.

So 2 more things were crossed off of our list in the last 2 days!  First I found this...

For only $15!  I thought it was $60 at the baby superstore, but it is actually only $38.  But still, that's a great deal for something that seriously looks brand new!  Our friends were going to let us borrow theirs, but I'd hate for something to happen to theirs.  Plus, a whole other child in any kind of baby equipment could really ruin it.  I'm so glad I found this and picked it up yesterday!

Next I found this...

For only $8!!  I looked at the registry at how much this was and it is $30 brand new.  This one was barely used and looks spotless!  I had a red one with BBZ that I could have reused, but I do like the idea of the breathable kind, just in case :)

So those are my great finds so far.  I have just a few other things I am keeping my eyes open for, but most things are all set.  Now we just need you, LBZ!

Here's a picture I snagged of BBZ today playing with his Legos.

Gosh, I sure do love this little man!

And yes, those are shoes on the kitchen table.  Don't judge.

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Re-occurring Dream

The night before we found out that LBZ is a boy, I had a dream that he was.  This was the first dream that he was a boy as in the others before the baby was a girl.  The boy part stood out, but the interesting part was that the baby was born and I had no recollection of the hardest part of the birth.  I sort of "woke up" and my mom was there and handed me the baby, all wrapped up.
I brushed the dream off and relished in the news that our sweet baby boy is in fact, a boy!

A few weeks later, I had another similar dream.  I started to post about it but didn't, for some reason.

The basic premise was the same, although the dream itself was very different.  Again I somehow missed the labor part of having the baby and he was just here.  I was home already and was very, very confused about how I could have missed the birth and the first hours of his life.

In the dream I didn't even know his name!  It was either N or my mom who told me that they named him what I wanted to name him.  I also asked if he was circumcised, which is odd that I wondered this in the dream except that I care very much about whether or not that happens with our youngest boy.

So as if that wasn't weird enough, last night the dream came again and took a different, yet similar storyline.  I woke again, this time in the hospital room where I delivered, but the whole birth process was a blank.  It's like I just showed up there.

Our boy had the same name, but the nurse wouldn't let me see him for some reason.  I asked repeatedly to see him, but the nurse kept telling me I couldn't.  Then I threw a big fit and said that at the hospital where I had BBZ, he never left my side, and I expected the same thing from this hospital.  The nurse left with the intention of bringing me my baby.

She came back into the room where N and I were and she brought us our boy, who was in the little plastic box bed that the hospitals have.  He was bundled up and as cute as can be.  He was so small and had jet black hair.  It was a great dream.

But I can't shake the fact that these dreams all carry the same message that I am completely absent during LBZ's birth.  I keep questioning why this is.

I desperately want to have a different experience than the one I had with BBZ.  Maybe it means that the birth isn't the important part as the end result is what matters.  But the birth really does matter to me.  I really do want to experience his birth and perhaps even heal the wounds left by my first experience.

What I am afraid of is that I am more afraid than I realize I am.  I honestly think that my experience was about as bad as a delivery can get.  I felt disconnected from BBZ, it took months to heal, and I am pretty sure that the fact that he was born at 5pm was directly correlated with the end of my doctor's work day.  I truly know that the simple act of foregoing the epidural will give me the experience I want.

So why do all of my dreams leave out what I hope will be the healing part of my experience?  Maybe it is because the truth is, that part really doesn't matter.  It matters, but not as much as the end result of having my sweet healthy baby boy in my arms.  Something I am getting so excited about!

One more dream I want to be sure to remember is the one I had this past Friday night.  I missed the birth again, but that wasn't really the basis of the dream as it was with the others.  In this dream, we actually had a little girl.  She was premature and the tiniest thing I ever saw.  But, I was still pregnant with LBZ.  It was as though we had twins but the little girl was born early and LBZ was still cooking.

I was trying to nurse her but she was so small and while she was doing fine with it, it seemed odd since she was so tiny.  That's about all I remember.

Pregnant dreams are so weird.  I remember reading about a woman's dream once that the baby turned into green sludge.  So the fact that these dreams may not make sense to me is probably ok.  They don't really need to, I suppose.

Have a great week, everyone!

Friday, May 27, 2011

The post in which I drop the F-Bomb.

There has been a lot going on around our home lately.  Lots of playing outside, dodging tornadoes, playing in the basement, pretending to use pacifiers, setting up stationary play sets, you know...the usual :)

Actually, time is really going by fast.  BBZ is moving into the next classroom up starting after this holiday weekend.  He's such a big boy!  He is actually kind of being held back a classroom since he is now the youngest.  His birthday isn't until September, and since all but three other little boys have already turned 3 in his classroom, he will move into the room with the other kiddos who will be turning three this year.  He's basically moving from being the youngest to being one of the oldest.  It was only a matter of time before this would happen, so I'd rather it happen now than when he is 4 or 5 and has to see his friends leave daycare to go to school and he stays back.

So it is a bit bittersweet though.  I really, really love his teachers and don't even know his new ones since one is a new hire and the other is from the sister school.  I did meet one and she seems great.  I had a bad experience with one of the teachers who was in that room so I am quite relieved that she is no longer in the room.  Did I tell that story?  I don't think I did.  I'll do the short version.

While picking up BBZ one day, I saw a commotion in the front of the room.  The teacher walked from the area to the desk and back with something purple in her hand.  She proceeded to tape two of a child's fingers together really tightly with this purple tape while lecturing him on why he should not pick his nose.  All of this right in front of me!  She then walked back to the desk and got some scissors.  She tried to cut off the tape and I heard her say that she made it too tight because she could hardly get the tape off.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing!

I left with BBZ and asked him if she ever did that to him.  He said no, but I still felt like I had to do something.  I emailed the co-director and reported what I saw.  I know BBZ isn't perfect, but what she did was punishment, not teaching.  The co-director responded and said she would make sure the issue was addressed.  I never heard anything more, but pick-ups were awkward after that.

The funny thing is, BBZ did not pick his nose for the longest time.  I'd have to hold him down and get it clean because it would get so nasty.  So quite honestly, I am a little happy that he learned how!  We do work on using tissues though.

So anyway, I was relieved that she is not going to be a full-time teacher of his.

There is a huge pool at his school that I get to walk past each day when I drop him off and pick him up.  It has this beautiful crisp, clear water and smells like chlorine and suntan lotion.  BBZ gets to swim 2 times/week there during their summer camp.  I am so happy that he is at a school with such fun programs!


Tomorrow morning we will drop Delilah off at the groomer/kennel, drop BBZ off at N's sister's house and head out to Kansas City!  It is a very small getaway, but I need it terribly!  We are going to do some touristy stuff and see the band that first brought N and me together - Widespread Panic.  My early 20s revolved around this band and I have so many wonderful memories that they are directly involved in.  My blog is named after one of there songs.  I just cannot wait for LBZ to *see* them too!  BBZ saw them in utero as well, so it seems only fair :)


Does anyone else feel a ridiculous amount of pressure with regard to what you should eat and drink?  Maybe it's just because I am pregnant, but that song "Under Pressure" has been echoing in my mind as of late.

I was talking with an almost stranger at work (someone I don't know very well but work with) early one morning.  I said that I was having trouble formulating my thoughts because I hadn't had my caffeine yet.  She glanced at my belly and I saw what she was thinking.  I saw judgement, and started defending myself saying that I allow myself 1 diet soda each day but try and wait as long as I can in case I can make it without one.  She looked right at me and said that diet soda was one of the worst things I could drink and she only drinks coffee and I should stop or at least drink regular and on and on she went...totally uninvited.

Ok, this may seem passive aggressive, but it's my blog and I will say what I want here even if (and probably especially if) I am not able to say what I really want to say when I want to say it.

Since December of 2007......
I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding.  Yes, the whole time.
I have taken only extra strength Tylenol, sudafed or amoxicillin.
And one Claritin that I regretted when it dried up my milk.
I can count on one hand how many times I have been drunk (no, I am not kidding)
I gained 50 pounds with BBZ and lost 55.
I have not gained as much with this pregnancy.
I track my food intake and try to provide for the other beings who are now or have previously relied on my body to survive.
I have never cursed on my blog...until now.

I deserve a fucking diet soda...I'm just sayin'.

The other issue is that never in my life have I ever been overweight.  Besides the seasonal allergies that I have obviously overcome by not having to take an allergy pill in 3.5 years, I am very healthy.

N recently lost 12 pounds (great work honey!) and he was telling me that he is actually still considered overweight by definition because of his weight/height ratio.  He would actually have to lose another 20 pounds to be considered at a healthy weight!  That is crazy because he looks amazing and would look way too skinny if he lost that much.

It got me interested in where I fall so I did some poking around.  Apparently, I would have to gain 20 pounds more than my pre-pregnancy weight to be considered overweight, and that pre-pregnancy weight (118 pounds) is the most I have ever weighed in my life (besides when pregnant).

So long story short, I have never had a weight problem, so the pressure I feel about what I eat should really let up a bit.  Perhaps I have been lucky...I'm sure part of it is my genes, but most of it is because I eat well and pay attention to the things I put into my body.  I do not need to count every thing that goes in.  I do not need to freak out if I eat a few cookies one day.  And for god's sake...I can have a damn diet soda.

Ok, passive aggressive time is over.


I have lots of fun trips coming up.  Tomorrow is one, then Chicago for work in June, a father's day trip to see my family, another work trip in July...and I guess that's it.  It probably should be it as traveling in one's 9th month of pregnancy is usually frowned upon.  Summer trips are set and I can't wait.

I hope everyone has a fun holiday weekend planned!

Saturday, May 14, 2011


This week marks 24 weeks, which is also when the pregnancy calendars start talking about viability.

According to dictionary.com, viability is defined as:
1. capable of living.
2. Physiology . a. physically fitted to live. b. (of a fetus) having reached such a stage of development as to be capable of living, under normal conditions, outside the uterus.

This is pretty hard for me to believe considering our little babe weighs only about 1.5 pounds.  But it does give me comfort that babies born at this stage might be able to survive.  One thing I know for sure is that I have absolutely no control over what is going to happen.  It's a lesson I learned while pregnant with BBZ and one he continues to teach me as a toddler.  I often wish I could control him and his little bubble in the world, but what will be, will be, and I have to just have faith that things will work out as they are meant to.

So here's a 24 week belly shot!
It's really hard to take these myself, so I think I might have N take the next one, whenever that will be!  I took one every other week throughout my entire pregnancy with BBZ.  This one has 2.  The one above and the one at 10 weeks.  It is true what they say about second pregnancies!

We are narrowing down the baby's name.  I have my very favorite, which was even his name in a dream I had.  It was a strange dream that was much like the one I had about him the night before we found out he is a boy.  Ironically, his initials would be LHZ, pretty close to LBZ, huh!?!  I remember choosing a name being hard, but I don't remember it being this hard.  It's fun, but also hard having things up in the air.

I have an intense need to nest, but I can't really because BBZ's playroom is going to be LBZ's room.  I don't want to change too much of his world all at once, so we are slowly making changes to that room.  I really want to put the crib up and get things situated, but it seems weird to take away his playroom already.

Overall I have been feeling pretty good.  I've had terrible hip pain throughout this whole pregnancy, which I hopes goes away after this little man arrives.  I can finally eat cooked vegetables again without gagging and have decided to keep my vice of one Diet Pepsi per day.  I tried so hard to stop drinking soda like I did with BBZ, but I just can't do it this time.  I have to cut myself some slack and make through the day.

I feel him kick all day.  He has hiccups a lot.  I'm in the best part of pregnancy, the second trimester, and it is living up to the expectations.  I am enjoying these final months with BBZ as an only child and look forward to our growing family at the end of the summer.  I can't complain!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I let my son play with guns. (and other reasons I might be a terrible mother)

Alternately titled: Our Mother's Day Weekend.

One of my recent posts showed BBZ imagining himself as a civil war soldier, just like his grandpa.  He used a guitar as a gun and marched around the house calling himself the captain.  It was so cute!
So while on our way to N's sister's house on Sunday for Mother's Day, N said that his parents had a toy gun for BBZ to play with since he is suddenly so into playing soldier.  He asked me what I thought about it and I really had to think.

I realize that I am supposed to want to keep such toys out of my son's hands.  I get that most parents would never allow their child to play with toys that resemble guns, much less give him a toy that looks like an actual gun and say "go ahead and play 2.5-year-old!"

But I do actually have a reason for my being ok with this type of play.  You see, we are not a gun-loving or even a gun-liking family.  I have never held a real gun.  N has, but only when shooting at targets at our friend's farm.  I could never look down the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger knowing that what I am pointing at might die.  I just can't do it.  Not that I have some problem with people who do.  I know people who hunt during deer season to provide meat for their families for the year, so I get that there is certainly a point in hunting.  In fact, it could be argued that the natural occurrence of hunting is much more humane than the slaughter houses where much of our meat comes from.

But I digress.

I had to ask myself what concerns me about him playing with guns.  Basically, I don't want him to play violently.  But do I think that having a play gun will suddenly turn my sweet little sensitive boy into a fist-throwing gun-slinger?  No, I sure don't.  While I am concerned about his possible comfort with violence, I really don't think playing with guns will make him a violent person.

My biggest fear when it comes to guns is that he will be in a house where there is a gun, pick it up and accidentally kill himself or a friend out of typical boy curiosity.  So to me, teaching him how to appropriately play with a gun is a better defense against that type of tragedy.  We have made 2 rules in our house when playing with his gun:

1) Mommy, daddy, or another adult must be around while playing.
2) The gun can never be pointed at anyone or anything.  It must be pointed into the sky.

If I can brand these 2 rules into my son's head, perhaps he will remember them if he ever does find a real gun.  At the very least I hope he will not point it at his friends but most importantly know that a grown-up needs to know that he is playing with one.

Now I'm not saying all parents should let their children have a toy gun.  If it weren't for my son's specific personality, I may feel quite differently.  This feels like the right decision for us, and since most of parenting is a crap shoot anyway, we have to trust our gut with this one and go with it.

So there it is.  My admission that I don't have everything figured out and that these decisions we make for our children are hard, but with some discussion and concern, we have to make what we hope is the right choice and move on to the next challenge.

Speaking of Mother's Day, mine was wonderful!  BBZ and I hung out on Saturday morning while N made a rain barrel at a class at the local garden.  We went to a carnival and then to the playground, met up with N for much and scooted on over to another park where they were hosting a micro brew festival.  Now I couldn't partake in the beer festivities, but we were outside on a blanket with kiddos running around bare foot and I was in heaven.  It was so nice to spend the entire day outside with friends and family.

Of course I didn't take one picture.  Oh well, I have the memories stored safely in my head.

Sunday we spent the morning running errands and enjoying each other.  N and BBZ brought me breakfast in bed!  I hadn't been to the grocery store, so I enjoyed fruit snacks, a few grapes and blueberries and water in a champagne glass, which was quite lovely.  I think BBZ was just excited to have fruit snacks for breakfast.

After we spent some nice time with N's family, we ran some more errands.  BBZ fell asleep in the car, so N and I took turns running into the various stores.  While N was in Petsmart, I had an itch on my chest and scratched it.  I felt something inside my shirt, I reached in and grabbed....a Lego!  First, how the hell did I not feel it and second, how long had it been in there?!?

That just goes along with being the mama of a little boy, I suppose.

Monday, May 2, 2011

BBZ is a soldier, just like Ganpaw!

I think I mentioned that this weekend we visited N's parents at a civil war reenaction.  Well, BBZ must have been incredibly affected by it because when he came home today he wanted to play soldier.  I dug out his soldier hat that Grandpa and Grandma Z got for him a year or so ago and handed it to him.  The following circumstance occurred....

At the end, he hoped to find a way to hook his "gun" onto his pants. This was his solution....

A "chief ganpaw"!

He just cracks me up. I love to watch his little mind at work. His imagination is so awesome and I just cannot get enough of him!
N's parents go on camping trips almost every weekend for events, and they were talking with BBZ about coming with them. He didn't seem too interested when we were there, but to see him this into it makes me think that he is almost ready!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Oh weekend, how quickly you fly by.

I love weekends.  Especially ones with pretty weather, lots of energy for me and plenty of fun things to do with my boys.

Friday, I left work a little early having worked for 13 straight hours on Wednesday.  N had gone golfing with some friends, so after I sat on a panel at work and ran to Walgreen's, I found a $6 golf set that N and BBZ tried to find the day before and couldn't.  I guess N and BBZ got N's golf clubs out since he had golfing plans and BBZ wanted some of his own.  We played lots of golf on Friday!

N had a bit of a rough night Thursday with some of his old fraternity brothers.  These guys crack me up.  They certainly aren't 23 anymore!

We took it easy and both fell asleep on the couches before 9:30pm.  That is a very common occurrence for me these days.  Also, I gave away a huge shelf unit that belonged to my parents back int he 70s.  The shelf was at my aunt's house for a while and when they were done with it we took it.  It was in the playroom, which will soon be LBZ's room, so it had to go.  A really nice lady who was so unbelievable excited about it came and picked it up on Friday.  I bought a little white dresser on Craig's List last week for the room, so it is slowly starting to look more like a baby's room!

Saturday morning I got a haircut.  It had been a while so it feels so great!  Last weekend I got my Old Navy stuff n save coupon in the mail and had 50% off!  I bought A LOT of things online for me and for all of the boys, including N!

I realize that I have everything I could possibly need for a little boy, seeing as though I have one and all.  But there are some things a mama just can't resist buying for a little boy.  Especially something as cute as this!!!

Isn't that just the cutest little old man sweater you have ever seen?  Yeah, I think so too.  I can't wait to see LBZ wearing this later this year!!!

There were a few things I needed to return, so the 3 of us went to Old Navy yesterday and not only could I use the 50% off coupon I had, but I also got buy one get one 50% off!  N bought some undershirts that were normally $10 for $3.75, I got a skirt that I can wear now and after the baby (this is a must as I will not buy something I can't wear now and I refuse to buy anymore maternity clothes) and also got N another short for super cheap.  It was a great weekend for great deals!

I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday celebration on Saturday night, but I just wasn't feeling up to it.  I feel huge already and knew I wouldn't find anything that I felt nice in and really hoped to be lazy.  I bailed on the party and fell asleep at 9pm!  Good thing I didn't go out because I also slept until 8am!  I woke up to milk and donuts from BBZ and N and got our day started.

N's parents do civil war re-enaction and were at a local park this weekend.  We drove to the park and spent some time with them, which was so nice on such a beautiful day.

BBZ fell asleep on the way to lunch so the afternoon was a little rough.  If he sleeps for a short time in the car, there's no point in trying to get him to nap.  He was out like a light by 7:45pm, which is generally unheard of for my 9pm-6am sleeper.  I hardly knew what to do with myself!  Clearly, I took the opportunity to catch up on the ol' blog.

I have a ton of work to do this week, but I am really looking forward to some family time next weekend for Mother's Day.  Have a great week!!

Easter Weekend

Better late than never!

We had so much fun on Easter weekend.  My mom left just a few days before the weekend after being in town for 2 weeks helping my grandparents move into a senior living apartment building.  So we had one egg hunt there, then visited some friends, then had an egg hunt at our house Easter morning, then had one at N's parents house!  Whew, that was a lot of egg hunting!  And candy, which I have so many mixed feelings about.  But that's another post for another day.

My aunt brought her grand kids so BBZ had some egg-hunting company!

No matter what, he just won't pose for a picture!  Especially one with a very old head that was noticeably flat from apparently laying flat on his face for an abnormally long time.

What is it about boys and guns?  BBZ has never watched a violent cartoon or had a toy gun, but the moment he got this squirt gun in his hand he knew exactly what guns do.  Boys are boys, I suppose.

Is it just me, or is that the world's largest Easter basket?

Who the heck put all an egg so far out of reach?  No worries, BBZ is a problem solver :)

Or Grandpa can help, too.

I'm putting all that candy right here in my belly, grandpa!

Grandma made him this awesome blanket with a matching pillow!  It goes perfectly in his firetruck bedroom.

Clearly, it was a fun weekend!