Monday, January 25, 2010

Not Me! Monday, Avoidance as a Defense Mechanism

I have NOT done everything to avoid even thinking about what will happen with BBZ's surgery tomorrow.  When the lady from the office called  a few weeks ago and said we had to pay $330 for the doctor fee (based on what our insurance would cover) I did NOT just pay it and refrain from asking the many questions I had in an attempt to avoid the whole situation.  When I called the insurance company today to confirm our coverage, the extremely friendly woman did NOT tell me that the procedue should be 100% covered and I shouldn't have had to pay anything.  We will NOT have to now wait for the insurance to pay the doctor before getting our refund.  I do NOT wish that I had dealt with this a while ago.  Grrr.

I am NOT doing everything I can think of to avoid freaking out about this surgery tomorrow. I never freak out and am always even keeled especially when dealing with my son.  I am definitely NOT taken back to the feelings of when the doctor took him out of my arms last time for surgery.  I am not afraid of how I will feel when that time comes tomorrow.  I am NOT trying harder than I should to hold it all together.

I am also NOT worried about having to deny my son his one comfort when he is in pain (nursing) until after the surgery.  Knowing he has woken up at 5:30am the last few mornings does NOT have me convinced that he will be yelling at me from then until his surgery at 8:30am.  I am NOT convinced that I will cry with him tomorrow when I have to tell him no for 3 hours straight.  Boo.

This post is NOT the biggest pity party ever that I wouldn't have even written if MckMama wasn't having some fun giveaway for posting today.  Maybe I'll win, who knows!?  You can't win if you don't play, so head on over to her blog and see what she and the other moms have not been doing this week.