Friday, July 31, 2009

Avoiding the blog too long results in a rediculously long blog. Be prepared.

I'm not sure why, but I haven't felt much like blogging lately. I have been on a bit of a roller coaster of emotions and feelings since my last post about BBZ's progress. One day is bad, the next is good, so by the time I sit down to blog, I almost can't decide if I am happy about how things are going or not! It sound confusing, I know, which is why I have avoided writing it down. Plus, things are going pretty well, so I really don't want to rock the boat. My first week back at work (July 20th) was really rough. I actually had to close my door a couple of times to cry about something that stressed me out that I just couldn't deal with the same way I usually could. Everyone at work did an amazing job at doing as much of my job as they could, but there were some things that just didn't get done, so the pile got higher, and higher, and higher and was ready and waiting for my return. I am happy to report that I am completely caught up! Many phone calls and energy assistance applications and case notes and trainings and meetings and letter writing later, I felt fantastic closing the door to my office today knowing that I am caught up. It is way too hard to make up for 2 unplanned weeks off...let's not do that again, okay? So BBZ took us on a wild ride. There was one night that he literally woke up every 2 hours. Then I had to go to work. It sucked. That morning I got so frustrated because he would cry if I held him and cry if I put him down. There was no soothing him. I put him in his crib and slammed the door. I ran into our room and just cried. Poor Nate, not only does he have a crying baby to deal with, but also a crying wife. He is amazing though...he encouraged me and assured me that I can handle it and this won't last forever and I am a great mom and BBZ loves me even when I get frustrated etc, etc. He knew just what to say. I love him. BBZ's teacher was out of town his first week back to school, but the other ladies did a great job trying to sooth him and get him to nap. The first day back he only slept for 15 minutes, and that was from the doctor office to school, so he actually went all day on that 15 minute nap. The next day a wonderful girl spent all day hugging and cuddling him because as she put it, she loves clingy babies. She was magically able to get him to nap mid-day for about 30 minutes. Still not great, but better than Monday! By Thursday he napped for an hour, so we knew he was on his way back. The teachers were so supportive. Not one of them criticized his need for comfort. They all said that he obviously needs extra attention and were more than happy to give it to him. This place is worth every penny we pay for it, and let me say, there are lots of pennies going to them! His primary teacher is back this week and he was back to his old self. He took naps and ate and even started table foods! I think he is completely done with baby food. We tried wild blueberries and pears that Papa bought him when they were in town last, but he was not having it! He knows real food when he sees it! We also went to the post-operation appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday. It seriously took longer to sign us in than it did to talk with the surgeon. He had absolutely no concerns and said he had no need to see us again. I was a little worried about something I could feel under his incision, but the surgeon assured me that it is a few stitches that haven't dissolved yet and they will soon be gone. He also told me that they looked at everything they removed under a microscope and everything looks normal, which leads him to believe this whole thing was caused by swollen lymph nodes. It is possible that his ear infection caused them to swell and put pressure on his intestine, which could have caused the intussusception. This is all speculation as they really have no idea what causes this. I am just happy things around here are getting back to normal. BBZ is sleeping now, so peacefully. Another thing I have noticed since this happened (I'll try to explain it as best I can) is that when BBZ and I are together, something will stop me and get my attention and tell me to really look at him. Really look, and realize that this could have turned out differently. It's not a sad feeling, it just makes me stop, look at him, look around and realize how happy I am that he is here, that he is healthy, and we have so much more ahead of us. It is sad to think of what might have happened, but also quite nice to be reminded of it while in the middle of our day and take the time to look down at him, kiss him, and be utterly grateful that he is in my life. Something else I was reminded of while walking in the hall at work in my office is that on more than one occasion, I was walking down that hall and a strange feeling came over me. In 2008, there were probably 15-20 babies born to people I know between people at work and personal friends. The strange feeling was followed by a thought...
...with all of these babies, how can all of them be healthy? One of them will have to have some problem, right? I wonder if it is mine.
At the times this happened I just blew it off as one of the negative thoughts that try to weasel their way into my psyche, but looking back, I wonder if it was more than that. Maybe it was some kind of mother's intuition. Either way, it's weird. So here we are, 3 weeks post operation, and things are pretty great. I even got the last of the gdiaper orders I needed to get the $100 gift card! I'm getting my hair done tomorrow, then having a play date with my neighbors before sharing a yummy dinner, then the 3rd first birthday party of the 2008 pregnant crew. I cooked a yummy chicken dinner with couscous, steamed broccoli and tomato/mozzarella salad. Mmmm. Happy Friday again!

4 comments:

  1. Aw, Anrazel...I love this post. It's so honest and realistically positive. I am glad things are getting better. N sounds like a great hubby and you are a fantastic mom. :)

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  2. I love you, sis. I'm home safe now, just so you know -- by the way - Mother's intuition is true - we all have a sixth sense about our kids - we get the feeling that something isn't quite right... so we call school or babysitter or a friend with kiddos to see how they're doing. They're all fine but something still nags at us... two days later we find out that there was an earthquake in indonesia - we know when something isn't right... never doubt yourself. Love you!

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  3. I am so happy to hear that the whole family is doing better. Kisses to you all!

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  4. I am so glad things are getting so much better. I love you and your little man!!

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