Home, sweet home

We are home! I must admit that I feel very teary since we got home. I think I expected everything to be the way it was before BBZ got sick, but he still has a lot of healing to do. He tried to crawl toward his toys, but cried when he realized that he just couldn't. He doesn't want anyone to hold him but me, so I suddenly feel the way I did when he was a newborn. He refuses to suck his thumb, which I suppose is a good thing, but it is his only comfort and since he isn't doing it he cannot comfort himself. I walk into the various rooms in the house and see things that remind me of the 2 days we were here and he was sick. I set pillows on N's side of the bed so when he was sleeping with me he wouldn't roll off the other side of the bed. I had my 2 favorite pairs of flip flops on the floor in my bedroom to be washed because he had vomited on them. There were dirty burp cloths in his room that I used to clean him up throughout the night. It is all very surreal. I thinkI hoped to come home and pretend none of this happened, but it did, and it still is happening. He is sleeping now in his own bed, but it took nearly 20 minutes to get him to sleep and he basically cried himself to sleep. For those of you who know BBZ, this is completely out of character for him. I just want my happy little healthy boy back! I want him to crawl up on his new tool bench that I bought him on Monday night that he didn't get to play with before he got sick. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I know, I know, they will be soon.