When things go well, I blog less.

I guess this makes sense. Blogging is quite therapeutic for me, so it's only natural that when things go well, I don't need as much therapy. Nevertheless, I feel the need to blog about the good things too! Like how on Wednesday N took the day off with me and BBZ and we all slept until almost 9am! This is huge because we never sleep that late! I think BBZ woke up around 6am to eat, but went right back to bed. It was lovely to hear his sweet voice cooing and playing in his crib and roll over to glance at the clock to see it read 8:45am. Ahhh, sweet sleeping in, I missed you.

So we made the most of the day and went to Forest Park for a picnic. We don't have a picnic basket, so we doubled a back pack as a basket and packed it up. I think I will be getting a basket for an upcoming holiday because N really thinks we should have one as this picnic thing was not only free but very good for the soul. There is nothing like fresh air, cheese, fruit, music and the company of your family on a nice blanket at a park. What a good day. Plus I bought BBZ a few new toys including a walking toy. He is already pulling up on it all by himself! This is seriously going by way too fast!

And yesterday, look what N bought for me!

This is why we don't celebrate Valentine's Day. He does nice things for me all of the time. We don't need a holiday!

Work is going quite well also. I have taken on some new responsibilities of organizing 2 training programs we are hoping to start very soon. I am excited about this new endeavor and hope it gives me the change I am craving. Two people I have been working with since I started my job are in pretty failing health. Let me back up, have I ever described what I do for work? I don't think I have. I'll do that now.

I work for a Center for Independent Living (CIL). In order to call ourselves a CIL we have to offer 5 core services related to people with disabilities: Advocacy, Information and Referral, Independent Living Services (IL), Peer Support and Transition (from nursing homes or homelessness). I work in a sub-program under the IL program where a person with a disability becomes a small business owner, gets an EIN from the federal government and hires whoever they want to be their personal care attendant(s). This is important because the other option for a person with a disability (PWD) is to hire an agency to provide the personal care attendant, which could be any one of the many attendants that work for that agency and there is no guarantee they will show up or be a good worker, etc. And if they don't work for you, you can't really make them do what you want. This idea was thought of back in the 70s during the beginning of the independent living movement and emphasized consumer control. After all, if I were to become disabled (it is the only minority group you can join by the way) I would want to choose who I want to provide me with the intimate care that might be required.

So anyhoo, the IL specialists who work in this program have to do various tasks to ensure the work is actually being done and the participant is getting adequate care. There is also a tremendous amount of paperwork that goes along with owning your own business, so we pretty much take care of all of that stuff for them. This is a Medicaid funded program, so we bill Medicaid and do payroll for the attendants. Even though the attendant actually works for the PWD. It sounds complicated, but it is really an amazing program. It allows a son or daughter to quit their job and be paid to care for their mother, or for a mother to stay home and get paid to care for their child (over 18) with a disability. Or it allows the PWD to interview various interested applicants to find a good match. The control is in their hands, where it should be. The maximum amount of care that a person can receive is 5 1/2 hours a day, 7 days a week. This is enough for someone who has minimal care needs, but for someone who sustained a spinal cord injury (SCI), it would likely be enough for the morning to help get them up, dressed, and have some breakfast, but the day doesn't end there, so they have to find help from other sources, they might pay someone privately, or have family fill in for free. Sometimes neither of these are options and a person goes without the desperately needed support.

One young man I am working with was injured in a car accident a few years ago before he was 21. He sustained a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and a C4-C7 incomplete SCI (the C level is the highest and starts where your spine meets your brain stem (C1) and incomplete means that he maintained some movement below the break) which left him dependent on a ventilator to breathe. I have been working with him for 3 years or since about 2 months after his accident. I watched him get shipped off to a nursing facility out of state because there are no facilities in my state that provide long-term care to a person who depends on a ventilator to breathe. We have fought hard and he has been living in an accessible home with 8 hours a day of attendant care through a program called the Independent Living Waiver (ILW, this waives the cost cap of 5 1/2 hours a day for individuals who meet criteria). His mom pays privately for him to have 24-hour care. Their family budget cannot maintain this any longer. He is very sick and is in the hospital. His mom is unsure that he can return home because of his extensive care needs. I spent about 3 hours today working on the paperwork that shows the tasks people are approved for through the ILW which calculates the amount of time a person gets.

He calculated at 18 hours a day. It may be a long shot, but I am going for it. His only other option is nursing home placement out of state away from his friends, family and support system. Can you imagine being in a nursing home in your early 20s far away from anyone who care about you, basically waiting to die? It sounds like torture to me, and I have grown quite fond of this man, so I really hope this works. That's a long explanation, but I want to share what I do for a living since it is how I spend my precious time away from my baby. This is someone else's baby that I am helping, and I will do whatever I can to help their family. I faxed the request to the state, so please send your positive energy to him and hope that this is something that gets approved. This could literally change his life forever. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted.

Ok, it's pretty late and I have carried on enough. I know I said I have 2 people I am working with in failing health, so I send your thoughts his way as well, but I will save his story for another time. Goodnight!

Our trip to the far North

This Memorial Day weekend we drove to the far North to visit N's family. Both of his parents grew up in the farm land of southern Minnesota, and one of N's mom's sisters was celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary. They were actually surprised by the entire weekend, which was carefully planned by their 4 children. It was a great time and a fun road trip for us. Check out the pics! BBZ's first trip to a McDonalds. It was a nice family-friendly place to stop so I could feed and change him. We put his PJ's on hoping it would help him sleep the rest of the trip, but he was pretty fussy about having to be in his seat for so long!

I think Ronald McDonald has a new friend! This is BBZ and N's cousin's daughter (BBZ's 2nd cousin???) isn't she gorgeous?! Even BBZ can't keep his eyes off of her!

He did pretty good at the luncheon, but now that he can move around he wants to be all over the place! We had to pass him around and take turns holding him because he got so restless. He also refuses to fall asleep with me holding him anymore. This is a good thing at home, not so good anywhere else. Oh, well...at least he naps in the car!

Look at him just dying to get down!

Checking out the cows with Grandpa Z at the Z farm. Great Grandpa Z is 70-something years old and still working the farm.

I think he is ready to help Great Grandpa Z!

BBZ's cousin has a picture every year on this chicken, so the tradition has now been extended to BBZ.

Great Grandpa Z dug this hole and BBZ and Grandpa Z thought it was the perfect play place!

My mom and dad were in Minneapolis for a wedding and drove down to see us at the hotel. It worked out so well to spend some time with them and have breakfast! What a family-filled fun weekend we had!

Will he play baseball or soccer? Hmmm...maybe both!

The 3rd part of the anniversary celebration was at a beautiful park near the town where N's family grew up. We took a nice walk with his cousin who took this lovely family photo. It was such an amazing weekend!

We left the far north around 5pm last night and got home a little before 1am. BBZ woke up once around 7pm so we stopped, ate dinner and stretched a little bit. The rest of the drive was nice and easy for him since it was dark and he slept the whole time. When we got home it was pouring down rain. I hate driving in the rain, so it was nice that we came home yesterday since it has been so rainy today. When we walked in the door I started to go upstairs to look for the cat. I see broken glass all over the floor and water marks on the wall where the stairs lead up to the second floor of our house. I got kinda of scared thinking that someone broke out a window or something and the rain came in. I kept walking up to investigate and I when I turned on the lights I realized that N's gallon glass bottles of home made beer are sitting near the railing that overlooks the downstairs. Apparently, from what we can gather, one of the gallon glass bottles exploded sending beer and glass all over the walls, the stairs, and all over the place. We had the thermostat set at 77 degrees, but maybe it got super hot and the bottle reacted. Who knows, all I know is we picked up the big glass off of the floor and saved the clean up for today.

N went to the store and got some good floor cleaner and cleaned not just where the beer spilled, but ALL of the floors! I sort of cleaned them a few weeks ago, but this was with a scrubber sponge and a bucket and everything! He is the BEST. Especially since BBZ is crawling all over the place, but hasn't quite figured out how to lift his tummy off of the floor. So his tummy gets REALLY dirty when he sits up!

Tomorrow we are back to the grind. But then I get Wednesday off! WOO HOO!

BBZ's very first Cardinals Game!

Our friends came in town this week for the Cubs/Cards series. This tradition started a few years ago and hasn't happened every year, but N tries to schedule it with our friend, Cory who comes uin town from wherever he is living at the time. For a while it was Denver, now he is living in New Mexico. This was some of us in 2006...

This was 2007...

And here we are in 2009...

It was a bit different this year for many reasons. We got seats this year which was a first...we usually got standing room only tickets, which I actually prefer. We couldn't talk to each other as much as when we are all standing in a group. Plus we didn't get the cool group picture like we have the last few years. The other difference is that we have a baby this year! This was his first game and what an exciting one it was! Just as we sat down, Pujhols hit a home run that knocked out the "I" in the Big Mac Land sign! The whole place went wild and we saw firwworks and everything! BBZ was a little scared by the loudness, but otherwise he did great considering the game started at the time he is usually in bed. Check out the pics!

A few tears as he fought a nap on the way to the stadium

He needed some comfort from his thumb when we first got there

He warmed up and seemed to have a great time!

Go Cards!!!

Baby Boy Z is 8 Months Old!!!!

8 Months old already. Crazy. He is crawling everywhere, into everything, starting to throw little temper tantrums complete with an arching back and screaming, he hasn't said any words that make sense since the post last week, and I am happy as can be. I couldn't ask for anything more!

He's a crawling machine!

The sweet smiler said "Buh Bye", but hasn't said it again. If my friends weren't there to verify it, I would think I completely made it up!

Playing with his girlfriends before the boys left for the first Cards game.

Such a cutie pie.

Playing in a hole with Grandpa Z that Great Grandpa Z dug at the farm.

He's such a handsome little man!

New digital camera and waving "Buh-Bye!"

I haven't had 2 posts in one night ina while! I was having dinner with my friend, Laura and her husband in Saturday and as I was feeding BBZ he looked up at us and started waving...see !?!

I grabbed my camera because his teachers had been trying to teach him to wave and I was so excited to actually see it for myself! Plus, I just bought myself a new digital camera and had it right next to me to catch moments such as this. It takes great pics...check this one out...you can even see the big drop of drool getting ready to fall off of his chin. This camera rocks!

So after dinner we were sitting on the couch and BBZ was on my lap. I was sitting next to Laura's husband, BBZ looked up at him, waved and said: "Buh Bye!" He spoke his second words! He has been babbling Da-da for a while now, but this was the first time he said something completely intentional. It was so cute!

On Sunday we were at our friend's son's 1st birthday party and I was telling my friend's mom (who is also my mom's very good childhood friend) what BBZ said the night before. I said to her that the next step is to get him to say it at the right time, like when we actually are going bye-bye. As we were leaving we walked through the back yard, past my friend's mom and as we were saying goodbye, BBZ waved and said: "Buh-Bye"! It was so exciting!

Oh yeah, I'm an Awe-Summm Queen!

My real life friends Laura and Toni gave me this awesome award! Yay! My new role of Queen of Awe-Summm requires me to do the following: 1. List 7 things that make me Awe-Summm 2. Pass the award onto 7 bloggers that I love 3. Tag those bloggers to let them know they are now Queens too (and link back to the Queen who tagged you) Here it goes!

1. I am an awesome friend. I am a fantastic secret keeper and feel proud to still have many, many secrets in my head, which by the way will remain safely there until the end of time. I am loyal, empathetic, and would jump for any of my friends even if it has been a while since we spoke.

2. I am extremely handy. I love tinkering with things and can pretty much always figure out what is wrong with an electronic something-or-other, put anything together, and tell you which drill bit you should use for a given project. My cordless power drill, a gift from my in-laws, is one of my most prized possessions.

3. I am an awesome breast feeder. This may seem like a strange thing to be awesome at, but you would be surprised by how many people struggle with breastfeeding. I pump 18 ounces a day for BBZ in only 2 pumps. This is a crazy amount of milk for only 2 pumping sessions. I am finally comfortable feeding him just about anywhere and have definitely become a pro, if I do say so myself.

4. I am an awesome navigator. I have a street map in my car if I ever get lost, but I can almost always find my way wherever I need to go. I am less awesome at this when outside of my home city, but I'm still adequately awesome at reading maps on road trips.

5. I am awesome at encouraging people to be independent. I do this for a living, and I think I am pretty good at it. You know the saying if you give a person a fish they eat a meal, but teach a person to fish they eat for a lifetime? I try to operate this way. It's easy to do something for someone and send them on their way, but what have they learned? Nothing other than to depend on others to do for them. Empowering a person to learn to do for themselves is such a joy for me.

6. I am an awesome seamstress. I love to sew and have made things from purses to clothes to pillow cases to cloth diaper inserts. I do not know how to read patterns and usually sew something from looking at an example. I hope to one day have a sewing room where my machine can stay out all of the time rather than sporadically having it out on the dining room table, like now.

7. I am awesome at being BBZ's mom. I am very in tune with him and can often foresee what he will need and when. I love him more than I can put into words and believe being with N and creating BBZ was my purpose in life. I can't wait to watch him grow and already love his sensitive, intelligent, curious and happy little self.

I tag Emma Jewel, who is definitely a Queen of Awesome!!!

My other blogger friends have already been tagged, so there you go!

Waaaaay back When-sday!

My neighbor and very talented photographer, Nikki, recently took family photos for some of her clients. One was of the back of a couple walking in a beautiful outdoor scene. Check it out here. It reminded me of this picture:

This was taken of N and me while walking down the streets of Memphis. We met almost exactly 1 year before this photo was taken and were celebrating our one year anniversary by seeing Widespread Panic at the venue in Memphis. We always stayed within walking distance of Beale Street, so this is us, heading to a bar. I love this photo. Memphis has been our place since we met in 2002. We have gone back to see Panic every year except last year. I guess a lot of things change when you get married and have a baby. We planned to go to Memphis in May, but the bands weren't really worth the money and the drive.

I think Memphis will always be our place. I'm sure we will take lots of vacations there, and maybe even see Graceland some day!

My (very personal) adjustment to motherhood

Today is my first mother's day. I have been thinking lately about myself, about motherhood, and about adjustment and how much I have changed in the last 10 or so years. At the concert last night a friend put his hand over my head and said "this girl is not the same girl I used to know". I keep thinking about what he meant by that. I know I have changed, in many ways, but I have mostly changed things that I do that affect my baby, and that affect my life as a mom. Even when I was pregnant I thought I knew how I would be as a mom. The lady I share an office with jokes with me because I when I was pregnant I would say things like "that baby is going in a crib. That's what cribs are for." Well, BBZ spent 8 weeks in my room and before that 8 week mark I could not let him be that far away from me. I guess my point is that I thought I knew what I would be like as a mom, but even I have surprised myself.

If you asked the me from 5 years ago if I thought I would ever give up 1 day of work each week to be at home with my baby, I know the answer would have been no. Another thing this friend confided in me was that my blog can come across as judgemental. He will probably not be happy about my writing about this, but I have come to accept that while I began this blog as a way to keep in touch with family, it has also become a place where I can just put it all out there. A place to think (or type) out loud and try to organize my thoughts and work through personal struggles. I guess I didn't really think about the way the things I say here would be perceived.

People are judgemental. People pass judgements. I believe it is a natural human response that in history has been a survival technique, but in our modern times has turned into prejudice, bias, and driven wedges between races, groups and sometimes friends. Not being judgemental, to me, is almost impossible. It's recognizing this and deciding what to do about it that makes the difference. I think this becomes even more in the forefront when people have children. Comments about people's children are taken very personally, even if the commenter didn't mean it personally. My very good real-life friend and fellow blogger Laura and I were talking on the phone a few weeks ago about breast pumps. She is pregnant and said she does not want to use a second-hand breast pump because she read that bacteria can get into the motor. I use a second-hand breast pump and have since BBZ was born, does this mean I am not as good of a mom because I chose to buy a second-hand breast pump?

Of course not.

But as a mom, I constantly question myself. Is this ok, is that ok, this mom does this and this mom does that, should I do this, should I do that. It is often confusing and never ending and I don't think there is an answer. But I feel the need to say that while voicing the way I decide to do things and the things that have worked out for me as a mother and for our family, I choose not pass judgements on how others decide to raise their children or their families. Even if I compare myself to other moms, I do not pretend to know what that mom goes through, or why she decides one thing while I may decide another. I cannot know what a person thinks, or feels, or know that my way is better or their way is worse. I do what works for me, and at times feel lucky just to get by!

I think about other countries who are not as technologically advanced as America. Americans think our way of life with television and technology is so much better, we try to make everyone realize that and conform to our way of living. Well guess what? People living all over the world do things differently and that doesn't necessarily make our way the right way, or our way any better. I hope that those who read my blog understand what I am saying, and I really do apologize if anyone misunderstood what I have written. I admit that when Laura and I were talking, I wondered if I am not as responsible as her by using this second-hand pump, but that was my own perception and I take responsibility for it. I know Laura was not insinuating something about me as a mom. I know she was talking with me, her best friend, about something she was trying to decide about what she as a mom is going to do. I know her and trust her and know that while she looks at me as a mom and might agree with some of the things I do, she is her own person and will do what works for her and her family. And quite honestly, that has nothing to do with me. Just as what I write in this blog has nothing to do with other moms or the readers. It is my journey filled with struggles and triumphs and those who read are along for the ride. I cannot take responsibility for how it is perceived, although I do care.

I feel better getting that off of my chest. On to other news, I had a great time this weekend at the concerts! I will say though that I had a lot more fun on Friday than I did on Saturday. I think I am just over getting drunk. It is just not that fun for me anymore. The idea sounded good, but in actuality, I would have preferred to come home to my baby and have him here with me this morning. I woke up at 6am anyway! I appreciate the time my hubby and I had together so much. This weekend rekindled something for us and we talked about things we really needed to talk about. Overall, it was a great weekend. I am really looking forward to my first mother's day. BBZ and I will be reunited at N's mom's house this morning and I cannot wait to see him. I think about his little smile and his sweet smell and so look forward to holding and cuddling with him. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! I wish peace for you as you deal with your own struggles as moms and while I know I can't get it all right, I hope to get as close as I can.

A "Not Me!" Post too good to wait for Monday

So I am breaking MckMama's rules and posting this today because it is just too good to wait for Monday. Yesterday I did NOT go to dinner with N and BBZ at a restaurant on one of the 10 best streets in America (according to the American Planning Association) and eat outside on the sidewalk. I did NOT witness the poorest effort I have ever seen displayed by a person without a disability trying to lead what I believed to be a blind woman down the sidewalk, into the street to avoid a sidewalk blockage, down the rest of the sidewalk. She did not allow this woman to face plant into a light pole right in front of me. I did NOT think it was my duty (wearing my work shirt or not) to walk up to this pair, ask if I can show them something, and proceed to show her how to appropriately lead a person who is blind. She did not laugh at me and say: "she isn't blind, it's a surprise!" Oops. I did NOT shutter in complete embarrassment and decide to show them the easier way anyway so she would not run into anything else and their visit would be safe and fun for all. I did NOT justify this as saying she should have had a blindfold on so people would know she wasn't blind, nor was I at all embarrassed by my assumption and later regret for not minding my own business. I am way too confident and sure of myself for that! Good thing none of this happened and I didn't tell everyone at work about it. There's no way they would call me a crazy advocate and laugh hysterically. That would just be aweful!

My first day off work!

So today was the first day off since switching to a 4-day work week. I got a lot done, but not as much as I hoped because I am getting sick...again. I went to bed Sunday with a scratchy throat and it has turned into a very persistent, and very aggravating, cough. I hate coughing so much because while I feel the Swine Flu hysteria was just that {powered by an American media who loves to try and scare the pants off of every American by highlighting a disease that presents about 1/10,000th (I made that part up) of the chance of dying as say, the regular flu} I try to see the positive in any situation and this has made me pay more attention to washing my hands and coughing into my sleeve. Well, when you are coughing say, 50 times an hour, the sleeve coughing gets old. So my day started this morning by going to pick up something I bought from Craig's List and tried to get in to see my doctor. He had one appointment on Friday afternoon and I couldn't make it. She asked if I wanted to schedule for Monday. I sure hope I'm not still sick Monday! I should just go back to the Walgreen's place because I tried to wait it out last time and we all know how that turned out. So I am hoping to magically wake up tomorrow and be all healed. We'll see. Then I went to the tailor and had some pants measured to be hemmed. Then I went to Whole Foods and got some pears and sweet potatoes for BBZ. We tried the pears tonight and he loved them! I have only given him veggies until now, so he had the funny lemon face at first, but he adjusted to the flavor and seemed to enjoy it. His teacher asked for me to send him more food because he seems to still be hungry after she feeds him what I send. He must be going through a growth spurt! Then I went to Wal-mart to get a few things. We finally bought windows for our 2 bathroom windows and N scheduled the guy to come today since I was home anyway. I did most of my cleaning last weekend and last night, which I was pretty happy about because this sickness kind of knocked me out this afternoon. I got some good rest and did light things like make BBZ's food and hang up his curtains. I sure had a lot to do on my "day off"! There is no way I could have gotten all of this done if I hadn't sent the little guy to school. I'm feeling a bit guilty about it, but I know it was good for me to have this first day to get things in order. The rest of the Wednesdays will be for us. There is something new with this little guy every day...he's getting a 3rd tooth! It's the top one on his right side. It looks huge! I guess those teeth are pretty big, but it still surprised me since they are so much bigger than the bottom ones. I'll try to get a picture, but I may have to wait until it comes in further. His smile focuses mostly on his bottom teeth. What a busy day. I'm not real excited about work tomorrow, but at least it is already Thursday! I have a crazy busy weekend coming up, including my very first night away from BBZ. They say a mother and her breastfeeding child are not soon parted, but this weekend will be our first. I'm trying to not freak out about it...some days are better than others as far as my anxiety level. Hopefully I will be able to enjoy myself. I was going to save this post for another day since this has become so long, but I might as well keep going since I opened the can of worms. We're going to see Yonder Mountain String Band both Friday and Saturday nights. My very good friend Nikki said she would come over with her beautiful little girls and sit here while the little man sleeps on Friday. That works out great because the venue is right up the street and it would suck to have to wake him up late to take him home from somewhere. Which is what brings us to Saturday night. N's parents are going to watch him, but they live about 35 minutes away and going to pick him up would be difficult for us and for him. The underlying issue in all of this is alcohol. I don't drink anymore, mostly because I breastfeed, but I also am just not really that interested anymore. When I got pregnant was the longest I have ever gone without drinking. My friends always partied, I always partied, it was just a part of my life. Well, that all changed when I got pregnant. I started to understand why people don't drink. I always thought a beer or two lightened me up and made conversing easier, but I actually feel the opposite now. I am more comfortable in a crowd and in new places being completely sober that I remember being after a beer or 2. So I guess this weekend I am *supposed* to want to let loose, I'm *supposed* to take advantage of having him away from me all night and really get to throw a few back. Well, I think I would rather have a beer or 2 early in the night, sober up and go pick him up! I'm not going to do that though. I am going to trust that he will be just fine with his grandma and bottles and be so happy to be reunited with him on Mother's Day! I also think this will be good for N and me. To have the house to ourselves will be great for us. Our relationship is extremely important and I know I have to tend to it as well as to our son, so this will be ok. I probably still won't party like I am *supposed* to. The mom-ness doesn't go away just because he is away from me. I think I will always have in the back of my mind that I need to be able to drive and get to him if I need to. Plus, I have had fun at shows and parties without drinking for over a year. I can't wait to see Yonder!

Not Me Mondays! My first try!

A while back MckMama started this "Not Me! Monday" where she fesses up to some of the embarrassing things she did that week by pretending she didn't actually do them. What a great way to get things off your chest and learn how others are cutting corners and living to admit it! So, here it goes. I certainly did NOT eat dinner out with my family every single meal except one this weekend after spending $100 at the grocery store. That would be silly! Who would do that? Certainly not me, what a waste of money! I definitely did NOT brush all of the crumbs from the one meal I did cook onto the kitchen floor and call for the dog to come and clean it up. I did not do this knowing that I planned to clean my kitchen floors on Wednesday and it could wait. That's pretty lazy, I would never do that! I did NOT pretend not to notice that BBZ had peed through his diaper when I picked him up from daycare today. I did not start to change his diaper and decide to wait until we got home. I definitely did not use his rain jacket as a barrier between his diaper and the car seat for the ride home. That's just gross, who would do that? Ahh, that felt great. Try it, it's wonderful! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Crawling, sippy cup and in bed by 6:15pm

So apparently learning a new skill takes a lot out of a baby. He's already working on the army crawl, then I go and throw a sippy cup into the mix. He was pretty pumped about some water with dinner...see?!

So here he is all tuckered out. This was taken at about 6:15pm. I made him put his jammies on early because I had a feeling this would happen. He was peaceful for about a minute and a half, but by the time N grabbed the camera he was politely asking (I mean quite obviously demanding) that I take him to bed. He was so tired!

I guess all this new stuff takes a lot out of you. I'm ready for a quiet night too. I have just 2 work days then Wednesday off! I originally thought I had Mondays off because I couldn't have Wednesdays, but it turns out I can after all. This is definitely my preference. I am so excited for my first week as a part-time employee! I have way too much planned for Wednesday though. Hopefully I can get at least some of it done!

Breastfeeding in Public and a "Yard Sail"

So N, BBZ and I went to the Microfest today at a gorgeous local park. One of our friend's and his son went too. This is where many small local brewers come together for a big festival where you pay an entry fee and get to taste all the yummy beers. I am a pretty cheap date right now, and also a great DD, but they wanted to charge $10 for the DDs to have unlimited brewed soda! What the heck?! Luckily I brought my water bottle. So anyway, I have been breastfeeding BBZ since the day he was born, and while I have 7 months under my belt, I still get nervous when I am out and about. Well today I decided I am just going to do it. He needs to eat, I need to feed him, it is a natural part of parenting, and my right to do it anywhere I want. There were A LOT of families there with babies and strollers and I was so happy to see it! I wandered over to where some benches are and saw a lady bottle feeding a tiny baby. I changed BBZ's diaper and we started talking about cloth diapers. Her little girl was 5 weeks old and so cute! I finished changing his diaper and knew it was time to feed him, and I suddenly got really nervous! I usually use a nursing cover, but I don't want to have to use it anymore. BBZ has become good at nursing and pretty much covers up everything, so there is no reason to hide. The lady's husband had wandered over and we were talking about the neighborhoods we live in and other stuff. I then thought maybe BBZ could just wait (I was trying to talk myself out of feeding him I think) and when I went to put him back in his stroller he started yelling at me. He knew it was time for him to eat, I knew it was time for him to eat. So I got him back out and fed him on the bench. My awkwardness must have been screaming out of my pores because the couple stopped talking with me and a few minutes later awkwardly walked off and the woman waved bye to me. I don't think they were bothered, I really think they could just tell how uncomfortable I was. So after they walked away I sat there, in the middle of this beautiful park, on this concrete bench sitting with my legs folded, breastfeeding my beautiful baby. A sudden feeling of peace swept over me. I rocked him and watched those around me walk by and barely even notice I was there, let alone what I was doing. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, and there we were, soaking it all in doing something human women have been doing since the beginning of time. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I think breastfeeding in public will be different for us from now on. Someone told me when BBZ was first born that by the time I become comfortable nursing in public people will be telling me the baby is too old to be nursing. I took from her comment that no matter what, some people will probably pass judgements, but who cares? I have to mention that I was gone for quite a while when this was going on, and while I was becoming more comfortable feeding in public, N, his friend and his friend's son were walking around the festival together. They walked up to me when we finally found each other and N was pushing the friend's stroller while he was holding his son. N asked me if I thought they looked gay. And they certainly did! My husby is a cutie, and his friend is definitely a pretty boy and they totally passed as lovers! Funny stuff. On our way home from this park, we were driving down a not-so-good part of one of America's Top 10 Streets in America (according to the American Planning Association) and saw one of the funniest signs I have ever seen. There was an abandoned child care center that N and I were jokingly saying we would send BBZ to instead of his that was attached to a church whose name is flaking off of the side of the building that was having a BBQ. They had a pretty large sign made out of a cardboard box that said something about the BBQ, and in the middle said... "Yard Sail in rear" I asked N if he thought they were joking when they made the sign and he said no. He also said that the funny part isn't so much the way it was spelled (although I thought it was) but that the parking lot was full of people and no one corrected the sign! I still hold that they did it on purpose. Either way, it got some serious laughs out of us. Kind of like the faux pa by The Washington Natinals. More funny stuff!