Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Why I still fall asleep with my toddler.

This is a bit of a follow-up to this post where I share some advice that I received about babies/toddlers and sleep.

I mentioned yesterday that while BBZ was going to sleep, he referred back to earlier that morning when he "tried underwears and peed in my pants".  Which actually happened twice.  He has shown little to no interest in the potty until now, besides a few times a long time ago.

So his recent interest has been exciting, although we certainly didn't expect perfection.  Right now I just hope that he is learning what it feels like and will soon realize that he can actually control his bladder.

So anyway, when I was laying down with him last night and he said this to me about his accidents earlier that day, I could tell that it was troubling him.  I reassured him that accidents will happen and it's ok and that we will just keep trying and that he needs to be patient with himself.

What's so interesting to me about this, is that if our routine was that I walked into his room, gave him a kiss and walked out (which I often wish I could do) I would miss this sweet part of his day.  When his defenses are down and he is honest with me about what is on his mind.  At no other time is my toddler interested in talking this deeply with me.

Tonight after we finished reading books and he snuggled in with me, he started talking about himself as a big brother.  He said that he plans to "wock the baby when she cwies" and that the baby will want to "snuggle wif me too!"  He now calls her a her all the time and refers to her as his baby.  I tried to explain that she is all of our baby, but I just gave up on that conversation.  She or he can be all his if he keeps being this sweet about it.

So I would be missing all of this that is on his mind.  He would be laying in bed processing this on his own, without any talk back from me.  Not that it would be the end of the world, I'm sure he'd be fine, but I sure love having this little window into the deep thoughts of my 2.5 year old.

My mom pointed out to me how precious this is for us.  Now I have no idea how long he is going to want me to do this, but I am positive that when he is in high school he will want me no where near his room, so I am going to take this while I can.  Tonight he also told me that his baby will keep growing and growing and then she will be "teeny tiny again".  We told him that the baby would keep growing in my belly and when the baby is too big for my belly it will come out and be here with us.  I'm pretty sure that's what he was talking about.  He then said that he is also going to get bigger and bigger and just keep growing.  And I said "until you are all grown up, just like your daddy."

And then I said "and mommy will be so proud of you".

And then I wanted to cry.

I am not sad that he is growing up.  I love every single moment with him and while I loved when he was little, I love the little person he is becoming and tonight I got a glimpse into what kind of man he will become.  It was a precious moment in time for me, that I never want to forget and wouldn't change for all the sleep in the world.

Maybe I'll sleep again one day, but for now I wouldn't change a thing.