Friday, March 25, 2011

What just a few weeks can do.

It really is amazing how much can change in just a few weeks.  This baby has been moving around like crazy, and I'm lovin' every minute of it.

There was about 2 days when I didn't feel anything, and I started to worry.  But it picked up again and I fell him/her every single day.  And with each kick comes a bit more love and connection.

I saw my doctor last week for my 16 week appointment and shared some of my feelings.  He's a man, so I certainly didn't get the loving approach I perhaps naively expected, but he did normalize my feelings, which was nice.

When I shared that I was worried something was wrong, but not really worried, he offered the genetic screening that is offered at 16 weeks.  I really was not interested in this screening.  I didn't have it done with BBZ, and I didn't want it now.  I asked if what they find in the screening would also show on the ultrasound and he said yes, for the most part.

As I left the office I began to wonder...what am I worried about.  I spoke to a friend this week who happens to have a disability about this.  She was born with her disability, and I can honestly say that I am not concerned about having a child with a disability.  If anything, my husband and I would probably be incredible parents to a child with any need.  So I really had to think about this.  What am I worried about?  I think I am afraid that there will be something fatally wrong with the baby.  That we will hear news that the baby won't survive, or something.

I'm not really obsessing over this though.  I actually feel much more at ease than I did even a few days ago.  What will be, will be I keep telling myself.  I started worrying about daycare and the cost and how we would swing it and really stressing myself out, but today, I feel at peace.  How wonderful it is, what a few weeks can do.

N and I are going to a concert tonight.  My mom has been in town (which is indescribably fantastic) and she is staying home with our little man.  When I was pregnant with BBZ, we kept all of the tickets to the concerts we went to and framed them for him.  There were quite a few, as we are avid concert goers.  We are trying to do the same for this little one, but the shows are fewer and farther between.

We saw 2 shows around New Years, then this one tonight, then we have another one planned for April.  We're thinking of going to Memphis in May, but we haven't officially decided yet.  Once summer comes, hopefully we will see many pop up around down that are outside, so we can bring our music-loving BBZ along with us.  It's fun to know that our children were enjoying music with us before they were even born!

Only 2 more weeks until we find out if this is a Baby Girl Z or a Little Brother Z!!!!  I cannot wait.  For weeks I swore this is a girl, then about 3 weeks ago, I started thinking boy, big time.  Then the night before last I had a dream that the baby is a girl.  She had blond hair and bright blue eyes, just like N.  She also had tiny little ruby red earrings.  She also had her eye brow pierced, which is weird, but weird dreams are just part of my life these days.

We'll find out in a couple more weeks!