I am thankful for having so much to be thankful for.

Things like...

Making it to the far north before the storm that brought 11.5 inches of snow.

Being in a place that has 11.5 inches of snow!!!

Leaving the far north after the next 6 inches falls.

Spending the holiday with immediate family.

Snowy mornings with perfectly untouched white snow.

A little boy bundled in the warmest coat he owns.

A very well deserved promotion for my husband.

Exciting prospects around every corner.

Putting BBZ to bed and not nursing him for the first time in his life...besides when he was sick and refused.

A pretty dog with a fresh new haircut.

The smell of spices that fill a kitchen as my mom cooks a pumpkin pie.

Chilly cold cheeks after an hour of play in the snow.

My dad, who makes the best Thanksgiving feast imaginable.

Temperatures outside that support the food that's overflowing our refrigerator into the garage.

Finding grass fed beef at a super low cost.

A warm fire.

Piles of snow in a parking lot as high as the buildings.

A trip to the mall with my mama for a little shopping.

A blog by my sister that shows that her mind at ease.

Tantrums, too-short pants, "my do it by myself"s, and other signs that my son is growing more and more independent.

My friends.

My health.

My happiness.

My family.

I am thankful for having so much to be thankful for.

Paintin' on a Saturday.

I woke up early this morning and met my friend Laura at a local mall.  BBZ, who is usually a terrible shopping partner, did pretty great today.  He was pretty good about getting back in the stroller after exploring a little and although he fought me about leaving the book store and the train table, he did great.  He doesn't seem to be feeling well and neither am I, so he took a nice long nap when we got home.  We were trying to find something easy, yet fun to do inside on a chilly, fall Saturday.

Luckily, N photographed the whole thing.

What did you do today?

The many phases of BBZ's Bed

After BBZ turned 2, it became evident that we needed to turn his bed into a big boy bed.  He didn't really try to climb out, but since he was getting older we thought it was time.  This is what his room looked like when we first moved into the house...

I took the front off of the crib and went to attach the toddler bed rail and that's when I noticed that we were missing a very important piece that the toddler rail screwed into.  I put the side of the crib back on the bed and called the company where I purchased the crib and of course, the model was discontinued.  The woman was very nice and ordered a part for me to try.  About a week later I picked the piece up from the store and hurried home with BBZ in tow and tried to finish this project.  Well, the piece didn't fit.  Hrumpf.  The side of the crib was crazy hard to get off, so I was really bummed out that this didn't work.  N was on his way home so I asked him to see if he could pick up a bed rail from Target.  He came home and we all stayed up too late only to find out that the bed rail was for a twin size bed.  I decided that it would have to do at least for the night and put BBZ to bed in this...

We also moved the changing table out, which gave us so much more room!  BBZ did great the next 2 nights and slept in his bed all night.  Then it happened...he figured out how to get out of bed.  For the next few (maybe 3) weeks, he ended up in our bed each night.  He was taking antibiotic for a sinus infection so I don't think he was feeling well anyway, and that coupled with the fact that mommy and daddy's bed is nice and warm and cuddly sure seemed to draw him in.  It was exhausting to say the least, but our house has not been without sleeping challenges, so we kept with it.  It didn't get better.  He and I were playing in his room and he kicked the bed rail off which made me worry that he figured it out and could now possibly fall in between the bed and the rail.  I took the rail off and tried that one night, but he fell out of bed twice and of course, ended up in our bed.  So we came to our last resort...convert the crib into a full-size bed.

On our way home form school one day last week, I asked BBZ if we got him a firetruck bedspread would he sleep in his own bed?  He said "oh yes, mommy I want a firetruck bed!"  So we went to the store and bought the full-size mattress in the picture below.  He and I also looked at firetruck blankets online and also shopped around with N and my mom, who was in town during most of this experimenting.  We didn't find a blanket in the store so we bought one online and explained to BBZ that the mailman would bring it one day next week.  The mattress was delivered the next day but the saga continued.  I could not believe how high the bed held the mattress and box spring!  I did not feel it was safe so we put the box spring in the basement and rested the mattress on the slats that went across the bed frame.  N had the idea of buying plywood to secure the mattress so my mom and I did on Friday.  I am happy to say that he slept in his bed all night 2 nights in a row!  This was timed *perfectly* with daylight savings time and 5:30am is his new wake-up time, but hey, I'll take it!

Here he was that first night!

So that was Friday and Saturday nights that he slept all night.  Actually, he did on Sunday night too.  Last night/this morning he woke up around 4:40am and would not go back to sleep in his own bed.  He came to bed with us until around 7am.  So while he is not a perfect sleeper, it is at least something we can deal with.

Today was (hopefully) the final chapter of this crib-to-toddler-bed-to-full-size-bed saga.  Today, the fireman bedspread came, and little BBZ could not have been happier!

There was even a little bit of jumping for joy in the mix.

Fingers crossed for a good night sleep under that comfy blanket!

( and in his own bed :)  )

Happy Halloween!!!

I think September is my favorite month.  Actually, December is probably my first favorite, with September closely following.  October is squeezed in there, so it hold a special place in my heart, too.  We have been busy doing all things fall and Halloweeny lately, and I even caught some of it on video!  Check out BBZ and his first try at pumpkin carving!  What I wish I caught on video was when he started singing "happy birthday to pumpkin!" when we said we were going to put a candle in there. Too cute!

Here we are at our friend Laura's party.  We were looking forward to hanging out for a while, but BBZ started saying that he wanted to leave over and over for about an hour before we finally just said ok.  He's usually so social!  I guess he just didn't feel like hanging out because we were home before his usual bedtime!

I was a zookeeper, N was a evil banana and BBZ was a monkey.

The cutest monkey around!

He fought us a little about putting on the costume, but once it was on he was ok.

Cheeeeeesssssse!

My mom is in town, so she was able to come with us to N's sister's house.  We ate great food (including bat wings that N made which are just chicken wings with BLACK sauce), played and went trick or treating!

But not before indulging in a "pup cake", which is about the cutest thing I have ever heard.

N's sister and brother-in-law won a contest for their great costumes!

Grandpa Z showing BBZ how to take a picture.

He just jumped right in with his cousin and her friend.

BBZ got the hang of it quickly and certainly enjoyed getting the candy.  The high light of the night though was when one of the houses (I don't think it was this one) gave him 2 tiny tubs of Play dough!  He LOVES play dough and I don't get it out much because it is too messy.  It was the best thing that has happened to BBZ in a long time, apparently.

At the next house rather than saying "trick or treat" he said..."do you have play dough for ME?"  It just cracked me up!

I meant to get a picture of him playing with the play dough when we got home, but I forgot to get my camera out.  Here he is enjoying his very favorite candy of all time, M&Ms.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween!!!!

Mama, I'm Coming Home.

Where do the weeks go?  How can it be that so much happens and I have so little time to blog about it?  So here we are with an update from last weekend...

Last weekend I went to my college reunion.  I graduated in 2001 and hadn't been back since 2002, when my previous roommate graduated.  My best college friend was driving up for her 10-year, so if she was in the same state as me I had to drive there and meet her.  It was a crazy fun night and brought back a million memories.

Here's me and C, back in 1999 as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb.  Actually, it was exactly 11 years ago today as this is Halloween.  Good Times.

Here we are last weekend, tailgating at the Football game, which we won.  Apparently, we are pretty awesome as a NAIA school right now.

C picked up her old roommate H and had company for some of the drive.

Here they are standing in front of their old dorm room window.  C is from Texas and used to have a huge Texas flag in that corner window.  The building just never looked the same after she graduated.

In side Mac Hall



My old room!  I think.  I have this reoccurring dream that I am back at college and I can't find my room or remember which one it is.  It felt weird being back here and actually remembering which room was mine.

My freshman year,  I had to use community bathrooms...these to be exact.  I'm pretty sure I have passed out on this toilet.  Not one of my better moments, but they contribute to who we are, right :)

I was pretty pumped to see that Mac Hall is accessible.

The President's Office, which I think looks really nice!

These stairs are about a million years old and I swore that each day when classes let out and everyone walked down them the same time that they would surely collapse.  Apparently they haven't yet.

I could not remember which mailbox I had.  I only lived on campus for 1.5 years, so it was a really long time ago.

Ah, the TKE house.  Man, A LOT of partying happened in this frat house.  All of my guy friends lived in this house.  It was the. place. to. be.  What great memories I had walking through this house.  I remember learning about Napster in one of these rooms and listening to song after song.  Good, good times for sure.

Ahhh, Hustler's.  I drank underage so much in this bar.  I didn't turn 21 until my senior year in college, but I did not wait that long.  I guess this is kind of incriminating, huh.  Anyway, the bar was always crowded, so my friends would build a wall of bodies and I would sneak along the wall and get in behind the guy carding.  I was so bad!

C and H, before the shots!

Me and C...it was like we just saw each other, even though it had been a little more than 2 years.  She is a free spirit and a very dear friend.  It was a fantastic weekend!

One thing I didn't get to do is drive by the house I rented the last 2.5 years of college.  That house was awesome.  We didn't have time that night to drive by and I woke up at about 7am ready to be home with my boys.  The drive wasn't bad and I was home by 10am.  I really wish I had driven by the house, but next year is my 10-year, so I'm sure I will head back that way.  I just can't express how crazy it was being back there.  I have so many memories of that time of my life.  It's such a time of self exploration, and excitement, and lack of responsibility.  The school and town were pretty bad, so the friendships and people who were there made it what it was.  The park!  I also didn't get a chance to drive through the park.  That park was amazing.  There was a particular place that we would drive to watch the sunset.  There were more stars in the sky during our late-night drives on the gravel roads than I have ever seen.  That night I went back there and took a trip down memory lane.  It is full of sweet memories of times that helped me become who I am now.  I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything in the world.  Love ya, Marshall MO.

Let's be Honest...I am not Perfect.

I may or may not have mentioned that I am co-facilitating a group of young adults with disabilities at work on Wednesday evenings.  We are actually about to finish the first of three 10-week sessions of the group, which is called the Living Well Young Adult Group.  I began working with these young adults as a way to get more face-to-face time for my PLPC (I need 1200 F2F and 3000 total hours).  I have never been involved in any kind of group therapy before, so this was very new to me and admittedly, somewhat scary.  I was also concerned because I was to be the only member of the group without a disability.  Questions such as...

Will they like me?  Will they compare themselves to me?  Will they assume my life is better?  Will they accept me?

...flooded my mind.  These are not emotions or questions I was prepared for because after all, I am the (co) leader, I will be different from them.  I will have a different agenda.  I am just...different.  That could not have been further from the truth.

And that leads me into the next topic.  Truth.  Honesty.  Two words that people use so very often, but what do they really mean?  I imagine that they mean very different things to different people.  One of the biggest things we emphasize in our weekly meetings is being honest with ourselves and with each other.  I have come to trust the members of this group more than I have trusted many of my friends.  No offense to my friends, but when you are in a room with strangers who have taken a pledge to not judge, to support each other, and to listen, and I mean really listen to each other, you see what truth can really look like.  I have tried to emulate these factors in my relationships outside of the meeting.

I had my feelings hurt by a friend a week or so after these meetings began.  Because of my commitment to honesty that I have with this group, I confronted the friend about it.  The result was perhaps not what I had hoped it would be, but what I got out of it was the truth.  Finally, the truth.  Isn't that what we all really want anyway?

A few weeks ago I read this post.  This guy at Single Dad Laughing is a little bit of a schmuck.  That is completely my opinion.  I enjoy what he writes, and so does he.  And he is not afraid to tell you so.  I will take what I want from his writing and leave the rest.  Just consider yourself warned if you start to poke around his blog.

So anyway, that post is a bit long, but completely worth your time.  I promise.  There is a disease called perfection and it plagues us all.  At work the other day, a woman called me perfect.  The scary part is that I really think she meant it.  I really think she thinks I never make mistakes and always have it all together.  I started to think, could some of that be my fault for always acting as though I have it all together?  Is my desperate attempt at perfection forcing those around me to feel less than perfect?  Just in case, here are some reasons why I am so much less than perfect.

I become easily frustrated and quickly very angry with BBZ.  I am sometimes afraid that I might hit him out of anger.

I spend money on things I don't need, then complain about being broke.

I procrastinate at work, then complain about having too much to do.

I am an aggressive driver.  I have had more middle fingers thrown my way than I care to admit.  I also yell choice works often while driving.  If BBZ starts dropping the eff bomb I will not be able to blame N.

I'm afraid everyone has noticed that I've gained weight.

I'm afraid that some of my frustration with BBZ is that he, in fact, isn't perfect either.

My biggest fear is that one day everyone will see that I'm not really a good person and I'm not very good at my job and I'm just a big, fat phony.

So there, I am certainly not perfect.  What I am is human.  I am realizing that I get the most upset with BBZ when I am trying to make him do something that he doesn't want to do.  I tried a sticker chart this weekend that truly is more for me than for him.  I needed a way to get him to do what he needs to do without me having to physically force him, which seems to be what gets my blood boiling the worst.  It only works about 50% of the time, but that is 50% fewer anger-inducing fights.  There is hope.  The other stuff is just stuff.  Most of the time I do feel hopeful and positive, but these things do plague my mind.  I have things I do that help me feel better about myself and ways to cope with the things in my head.  But nevertheless, they are still there.  They are in all of us, and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

There is something else I learned while in the group...I am most effective with connecting to people when I am my real and open self.  When I let down the wall that says I have it all together and talk about how scared I am for BBZ at his new school.  How hard I try to fight back tears and not cry in front of others.  When I let down these walls and show the people I am trying to help that I, too, have things I struggle with, I can truly connect and maybe even help them.  Acting as though I only have something to teach and not something to learn gets me nowhere.

That guy was right about one thing, admitting my imperfections does feel freeing!  But also very uncomfortable, which I suppose is a good thing!  I think Not Me! Mondays are definitely a more fun way to share my imperfections...maybe I'll start that up again next week.

The Zoo!

This is my second blog today, so don't miss the first one that catches up from last weekend!

Does anyone else absolutely love the new way we can upload pictures to Blogger?  I could seriously get used to this.

This weekend continued to be unseasonably warm, so we headed outside to enjoy the beautiful weather.  After I spent the morning shopping at a local trunk show (and snagging a sweet deal on some handmade awesomeness) we spent the afternoon at the first birthday party of a little girl of a fellow LLL member and friend.  This little girl is just the picture of beauty.  She seriously is like a little porcelain doll.  The party was full of like-minded mamas, home-brewed beer and good conversation.  After the part we headed to a friend's house for pizza and playtime.  BBZ loves hanging out with the kiddos at our friend's house and had a blast.  He wasn't in the car 5 minutes and crashed!  We took the front off of his crib after some debacle with the crib company and just put on a store-bought bed rail.  Friday night he woke up at around 3:30am and I was too tired to try and get him back to sleep so I just brought him to bed with me.  Last night he woke up again at 3:30am but this time I was able to get him back to sleep.  We all slept in until 8am, and when I looked at the video monitor I didn't see BBZ!  I kind of freaked out and ran upstairs, but his door was closed.  I sat there and wondered for a minute but decided that he was apparently still in his room.  I heard him a few minutes later and when I walked into his room he was cuddled on the floor outside of his bed.  I don't know what he was doing!  I moved the video monitor camera so I can see his bed and the path to the door.  How funny!

So anyway, after that strange occurrence this morning we decided to take a random and unplanned trip to the Zoo!  We got there right as they opened and got a pretty good parking place.  We also went to the Children's Zoo, which I haven't been to in years.  BBZ got to pet some more animals and we got some exercise.  We hate to bring the stroller, so we all got a workout!  Even BBZ because he had to walk a lot.

I suppose this one deserves an explanation.  N and I saw this guy fall over backwards and were sure that if he were in nature he would be totally screwed...not so!  He was able to flip back over!  Crazy. 

He started out crawling up this hill to get to the top of the slide, but eventually he decided to just walk up the steep incline.  He's so brave!

Of course he adored the train.  He didn't want to ride it though.

This is what was so tiring.  He has been eating like a horse and is almost too big for me to handle!  My legs are so sore!  It's that good sore though, the kind you get from a good workout.  And I didn't even have to leave him at a sitter to go to the gym!

After fighting a nap all afternoon, BBZ finally crashed around 3pm and is still sleeping at almost 4:30pm!  Hopefully he will be able to go to sleep tonight.  I have some blogs written in my head that I would love to get out, but this will have to do for now.  Perhaps this week will provide me with some time to get them out out and onto the blog.  We'll see!  Have a great week, everyone!