I first thought of balance. Like every other mother in the whole world, I struggle with balancing all kinds of things...work, kids, husband, self, cleaning, money, etc.
The problem with choosing that word though, is that it will always, always lead to disappointment. The truth is (or my truth anyway) is that I will never have a perfect balance. The perfect balance is an illusion. Nothing will ever be in perfect balance, because at any given time, one or more of the above mentioned things will grab my attention and the other things will lapse. You know what though? That's ok. I don't need balance. What I need is to trust myself and my little life and know that when one thing requires more, the others will be ok.
The word I did choose is satisfied.
I am extremely happy with my life. It isn't perfect by any means, but N and I are in one of the best places we have been in our marriage in a long time. We never really struggled, but for some reason we are really in tune with each other right now.
The boys are growing and healthy and happy. LBZ is a little stinker who will likely test my patience even more than his brother does, although I do find that very hard to imagine.
My job is demanding and hard, and going back to full-time will likely be a bit of an adjustment for all of us, but ultimately I am very happy with the work I do, the people I work for and work with, and I am actually somewhat ready to return to work tomorrow after our 10-day vacation.
With all of that being said, I do sometimes feel like I want more. More clothes. More money. More patience with my kids. More time. One more baby. More, more, more.
But the truth is, I want to be satisfied with what I have. I want to be completely ok with the things in my life, because as I see them, they really are more than I could ever ask for. I should feel completely satisfied with my life, so that is my word for the year.
I am a very driven person. I strive for change, for growth and for bigger and better things. But now, this year, I want to just relax and enjoy how absolutely wonderful things are.
I found this quote while poking around google:
When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself 'Oh yes - I already have everything that I really need' ~Dalai Lama
I need to practice contentment. At the time of year when people are making resolutions, something I usually refuse to make, I am trying to not change anything, and to appreciate and be content with everything I have...because my heart is incredible full :)
Cheers to 2013!
