My First Blogger Award!

My friend Gina gave me an award! How nice is that? So apparently this award entitles me to blogging some really random things about myself, then giving the award to seven other honest bloggers. I only know one other blogger besides the one who passed this on, so I will hold onto it until I make some other blogger friends. 1. I love breakfast. It is definitely my favorite meal of the day. There are times (like this morning) when I eat oatmeal, a whole wheat english muffin, a banana, a granola bar, and an entire sleeve of chocolate donuts with milk to dunk them in, all before 9:30am.

2. I pay for satellite radio, which has over 100 channels, and truly only listen to the 8 on my letter A list. I hate surfing channels and I often listen to the same channel for weeks on end, and I'm perfectly okay with that. I have also been known to watch Law & Order SVU hour after hour, just because I really don't want to look for something else to watch.

3. I saw Widespread Panic live at least 50 times in at least 20 different cities from 2001-2008. I met my husband and some of my very best friends while on the tour over the years. I have never seen the same show twice and pride myself on being able to identify the upcoming song with those first few notes. I have some of the best memories of my life during those years. (as an added note, my blog is named for one my favorite WSP songs!)

4. I kept and framed all of the ticket stubs of the concerts I went to when I was pregnant with BBZ. So while he may not know it, he has heard Panic live, too.

5. If it weren't for my husband I would probably cook the same 7 meals every week. I am extremely predictable and non-spontaneous and I am also perfectly okay with that.

6. I am so addicted to Diet Pepsi, I have to make myself drink at least 1 nalgene of water before I can have the 1 Diet Pepsi I allow myself each day. I'm a little obsessive about this because otherwise I would literally drink it all day long.

7. I have some non-negotiables in my life. I must take a shower in the morning, I must sleep on my side of the bed, I must watch channel 2 news in the morning and at 5pm and complain about how they always report bad news, I always (and I mean always) go to Quiktrip for gas, and whole wheat bread and honey crisp apples are always on my grocery list.

I'm passing this award to:

Yes I'm on My Way

Baby Boy Z's First Day of School

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I woke up Sunday morning and told N that I was really nervous about having to leave BBZ Monday. I knew I would be fine walking into the place, I'd be fine talking to the teachers, I'd be fine getting him all settled, but what I worried about was the minute I had to actually turn around and walk out of the door. I didn't know if I would be able to do it. N asked if I wanted him to come with me. What a great idea! N's schedule is so crazy I know I will usually pick BBZ up and drop him off, so it didn't occur to me that I don't have to do this by myself. He went with me and when we both walked out together it felt less like I was abandoning him and more like we finally got to this point that we had been planning for almost a full year. I did cry when I got to the car. Not because I was worried about his care, but because I know that this is how our life will be now and pretty much forever. Every work day from now on I will have to take him somewhere and be away from him, and that will most likely never change. For those first 10 minutes, I was really sad about that fact. It's the cost of being a working mom, I guess. But this is what is best for our family, and it will just continue to get better.

As far as his day at school, it was really great. He ate well and took the bottle with no trouble. His teachers said that he loved sitting back and watching the other kids, and he loved to lay on the floor and laugh and giggle. He was cracking up about something when I got there to pick him up! He had some trouble with naps, but he has never been a good daytime napper (just like his mommy). Hopefully he will get into a decent schedule while there. Overall it was a very successful first day! I'm looking forward to how he will do tomorrow!

Meme has been busy taking pictures!

It's so nice having Meme here! She's busy with the camera and has taken some great pictures.

Back to work - once again

Well here I am again. It's Sunday and I officially go back to work tomorrow after having 12 weeks off for maternity leave, returning to work for 2 weeks, then having 2 weeks off for the holidays. BBZ will be 15 weeks on Tuesday. I should, and do, feel very lucky to have been able to keep him home and out of daycare this long. My mom is in town and will watch the little man all week since he couldn't start at his daycare until the 12th. So he will be one week shy of 4 months when he starts. Look how lucky we are! There are some moms who have to put their 6 week old baby into daycare. I can't imagine how hard that would be. We are really lucky. I visited our daycare last Wednesday to drop off papers and met his primary teacher. This is the person who will write in his notebook, have conferences with us, etc. She was awesome. She breastfed her baby, she is going to school to be an early education teacher, and she has 2 years left of school, which hopefully means she will be there for 2 years with BBZ. As we were walking in, a mom was leaving holding a carseat. We spoke for just a minute but discovered that her little boy and BBZ are 6 days apart and will be in the same room. They will be buddies! He starts tomorrow, which leads me to believe that they didn't want to start 2 new infants on the same week. That's pretty cool. So all panic aside, I really think we will all be happy with his daycare situation. It's hard going back tomorrow knowing it's for good. But I know he will be ok, and so will I.

Baby Boy Z is 3 Months Old!

What a big boy! 3 months old already!

Football Sunday Hanging out with Meme on her last day here!

Great Grandpa John Big open mouth smile for Meme. He is so interested in what daddy is doing! Hanging with his girlfriends :) He's so strong! And such a handsome baby boy!

I survived my first week back at work...barely

Well I did it, I successfully went back to work after having a baby. I must say while it was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done, it wasn't quite as bad as I expected. Monday morning went pretty smoothly...BBZ woke up around 6am, I fed him and put him back to bed while I got ready. I woke him up around 7:45, got him dressed, fed him again around 8am and left for work. My mom is staying with us and watching him during the day. I called a couple times and things were going well. Work was actually pretty great. Everyone had nice things to say about how cute BBZ is and how great I look...people are so kind. Many of the new moms asked several times how I was doing, and pumping in the office was really easy. He is having trouble with the bottle, so I stopped by Target on the way home to get some more bottles and some diapers. I hate that my day was stretched even 20 minutes longer...I couldn't wait to get home! I arrived home and it didn't seem like BBZ realized who I was at first. He started to cry and I sat down and fed him. He was really happy after that. The rest of the week went pretty similar, the most difficult part is that he will not easily take a bottle. My mom tried everything, but on Thursday he only took 2 ounces all day! I had a dream Thursday night that people left me all alone somewhere. I was heartbroken and lonely and didn't understand why the people left me there with no explanation and no knowledge if I would see them again. I woke up feeling all of those feelings and decided that was exactly how BBZ felt all week when I left. I tortured myself all day Friday. How could I make it through the whole week and on Friday start feeling so sad? It was so hard to get through Friday. I knew we would get the whole weekend together, so it felt like Friday was creeping by. I got home and held BBZ. He cried and I fed him. I read in one of my back-to-work books that babies will often be happy during the day and cope with the stresses of being away from their nursing mother, to finally let go of all those stressors when they see mommy. I tell myself that is why he cries when he sees me. We went to hang with friends last night and at around 7:45pm, BBZ begins crying. I cannot console him. I try everything, and finally about 40 minutes later he begins to calm down. I ended up using a soothing method my mom said worked for her...can I no longer console my crying baby after just one week? Why does her method work better when the ones I used the other 11 weeks were all that worked for him? All of these questions make me feel like he's telling me this is too hard for him. While it is so much easier to blog about my worries, I feel the need to point out to myself the good parts from the week. BBZ took 4 ounces on Friday, compared to the 2 ounces on Thursday. My mom says he is happy and in great spirits 90% of the day. He has adjusted much better to my being away than my mom expected, which to me shows that he is healthy. I think things will be ok. As a last positive note, BBZ's name came off of the waiting list for the University City Child Center, which means he can start there in January. This was our first choice, but the wait list had us worried that he would have to start somewhere else first and move to U City. The place is incredible. They have a huge facility, have classrooms integrated with kids with disabilities, offer scholarships to low income families and have the diversity of U City that we love. They do both a home visit to see the child in their home environment and a 1/2 day orientation for the child and family. As a parent I am required to spend a certain amount of time in the classroom with BBZ over the year. This place is even better than I imagined. I am really excited for him to start. Maybe he will do better if he is out of the house, where I was with him all day, and in a completely new environment. I hope so!

I love our pediatrician!

So I took BBZ to his 2 month appointment today, and he is healthy as can be! He weighs 13 1/2 pounds and is almost 24 inches long. He's a big boy! He got lots of shots, which scared me, but he did really well and only cried a little bit. She explained each vaccination and why it's necessary. She also explained why she chose to give those vaccines to her own children. She takes her time and acts like BBZ is her only patient. I couldn't be happier. She also always asks how I am doing. I let her know that I am returning to work next week and she said that once I realize that he is really happy to see me at the end of the day, it will get easier. She said that many moms, including herself, worry that their kids won't miss them, and that is often their biggest fear. She is so right. Just this morning I was thinking that if other people are caring for him during the day I might just become another one of those caregivers to him. She assured me that is not true. She also said that it will take me a while to believe that he really misses me and no one can replace me in his life, but once I do, it will get easier. What a great way to frame it! I could tell today that she really loves her job! And she's really good at it!