A few picture updates

Showing his support for the undefeated Denver Broncos who are 6-0!

Reading with Delilah.

How did Steven Jackson get into our living room? Oh wait, that's just BBZ showing his unwaivering support for the St. Louis Rams, who are 0-7. I'm not sure how the pants started sagging, but I had to get a shot! It was so cute! Totally cracking up over his book! My little sweetie pie.

Thankful Thursday

I, like Elizabeth at Confessions of a Working Mom, am in desperate need of a few minutes to reflect on all of the many things I am thankful for. So I am participating in Thankful Thursday, sponsored by Welcome to the Nuthouse, who's blog I haven't started reading yet, but I'll be heading over there shortly! The pics of her kiddos are so cute!

#1 My Baby Boy Z. I am thankful for my beautiful, healthy, happy baby boy. My heart has been aching as I watch little Stellan struggle with his unhealthy heart this week, and today on his 1-year birthday. I know I cannot control what happens either with my baby, MckMama's or anyone else's. All I can do is be grateful for what I have and hope that he will stay healthy and live a long, fun-filled life. I imagine his smile and new way of saying "hi!" while at work and miss him terribly. I think of his new-found attachment to me and like it and dislike it at the same time. I love his independence and free spirit and hope that the limits that are inevitably put onto his world won't inhibit his desire to explore. I love him so very much.

#2 My Husband. He is such an amazing man. He really is. He breaks into an awesome dance in the living room at least a couple times per week. He writes songs all about me or BBZ and says funny things in the middle of dinner like "I think I should get into a rap beef with someone". He helps me tidy the house. He laughs with his baby even when BBZ is not being a good boy. I have never seen him lose his patience with BBZ, and he always comes through when I do. He is handsome, hard-working, has a strong and boisterous laugh, and keeps my feelings at the forefront of just about everything.

#3 My Job. I am lucky enough to not only have a job, but have one that I like. My boss allowed me to take one extra day off per week to spend with my precious BBZ. We have incredibly fun activities for a common great cause. I get to help people every single day.

#4 My House. We are also lucky enough to have bought our house during a time that will likely allow us to at least get what we paid for it if not get a bit of equity to spend on our next house when we do sell. A realtor came to the house tonight and gave us a good idea of some ways to maximize the value of our house and get it ready to sell. During times when people are losing their houses and their jobs, this is something I am so very grateful for.

#5 My Health. I have the use of my legs. I have my sight and my hearing. I don't have to use a machine to breathe or a catheter to pee. While people who have disabilities related to these things are not miserable by any means, I see what challenges people face and do not take for granted that I am healthy and able-bodied. The people I work with are living life like anyone else, but a life without these challenges is truly a blessing.

I think I should spend every single day thinking of the many things in my life I have to be thankful for. This post made me realize, I am completely satisfied with my life and can honestly say I am at peace with everything around me. It is a wonderful place to be, and just another thing to be thankful for. Happy Thursday!

Sing-a-long Sunday, True Colors

So here goes week 2 of my new Sing-a-long Sunday. I originally planned to just pick a random song that I loved each week to share just because I want to, but N in his infinite wisdom suggested that I instead pick a song that is relevant to the week. This seemed a bit more challenging, but fun nonetheless. Have I mentioned that I love my job? I have? Well, I think I love the organization I work for and the department I work in as much, if not more than, the job itself. Every year the organization does an Adopt-A-Family campaign where each month one department does a fund raiser where the department puts on some sort of something creative to raise funds for the families. One department did theirs this week and called it "[The organization name]'s got Talent" or "Second Chance Idol" where the talented employees of our organization showcase their talents in a friendly competition. They perform, then throughout the week employees vote for their favorite performers by putting money in their envelopes. The people with the most money (aka the most votes) move on to the next round and perform again. It is so much fun and a great way to raise money. So the director of our program who is generally very shy performed this song while playing her guitar. I didn't even know she sang! She did an amazing job with a beautiful song that touched all of us and clearly meant a lot to her. It's a well-known one that everyone will probably have no trouble singing along with. Enjoy! You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged Oh I realize Its hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small But I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And thats why I love you So dont be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful, Like a rainbow Show me a smile then, Don't be unhappy, can't remember When I last saw you laughing If this world makes you crazy And youve taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know Ill be there And Ill see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And thats why I love you So dont be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful, Like a rainbow (when I last saw you laughing) If this world makes you crazy And youve taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know Ill be there And Ill see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And thats why I love you So dont be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors True colors Shining through I see your true colors And thats why I love you So dont be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful, Like a rainbow

Our Wednesday trip to the Zoo!

We sure had fun on our day off this week! N took the afternoon and we had a great lunch outside and spent the day at the Zoo!

I I absolutely love this picture. My little Fall baby boy.

The Pumpkin Patch!

Last weekend we went to the Pumpkin Patch! I never really realized how much of a tradition this is for families until I saw all of my friend's pictures of their kids at the Pumpkin Patch on Facebook. So we had to join in on the fun! First we went to BBZ's cousin's soccer game. He was all decked out in his Adidas jog suit from Meme and Papa.

For some reason he just loved Grandma and Grandpa Z's cooler! He played with it for at least 30 minutes...which is a record for anything keeping his attention these days!

There she is! They lost the game, but it was still fun to watch. Then we met some friends and their kids at the Farm. They had some farm animals to look at, which BBZ loved. There was even a big with the same name as N! That's just funny.

Swinging on a tire horse with Grandpa Z.

Family photo.

It was crowded, but we had fun.

Riding a tricycle!

With Grandma and Grandpa Z

Hanging out with P in the pumpkins.

He got so dirty and had so much fun!

He even rode in the big, spinning tractor tire!

Here's a video of N and BBZ sliding down the slide. It would be great of the lady didn't walk right in front of it!

Wordless Wednesday

Does it still count as wordless Wednesday if you turn your volume off? Actually, I guess I am ruining the wordless part by typing these words. Oh well, I'm over it. Enjoy!

Not me! Monday

On my day off on Wednesday, I did not get peed on after I got dressed for the day. I certainly did not leave the peed-on pants on while taking BBZ to school. I definitely did not keep those peed-on pants on my body ALL DAY LONG even through my trips to Target and Schnucks. That's just gross. Seriously. While searching through my pile of instruction booklets looking for the one that shows me how to put peppercorns in my salt and pepper shaker, I did not find the instructions to my 1-year-old vacuum cleaner that was still in the package. While thumbing through it I did not find out that there is a hidden filter that could affect the sucking power of the vacuum. I did not clean the nastiest piece of foam and plastic I have ever seen. I did not find new-found love for vacuuming when I saw Delilah's footprints in my newly vacuumed carpet. Ahhh, the little things in life. When I woke up at 7:40am this weekend after a full and uninterrupted night's sleep, I did not consider going in to BBZ's room to see if he was still breathing. I did not hold the video monitor an inch from my eyes to see if I could tell that he was breathing. I am not a worrier (at all) and never create bad things with my imagination.

I did not go all day today without pumping for the first time since December 2008. I was not a little sad about being one step closer to no longer nursing BBZ. I do not sometimes wish that BBZ would stay a baby forever and I would never have to stop nursing. This is definitely not mixed with a sigh of relief for not having to take that pumping break at work any more. I am never wishy-washy and always have my emotions in check. I definitely did not just laugh out loud at the absurdity of that last sentence! MckMama created this blog carnival in order to admit some of her imperfections and reveal some things she would rather forget. Join in on the fun! Plus, she and has a giveaway going on this week! Head on over to her blog and see what she and the other moms have not been up to this week! Happy Monday!

No news is good news.

I don’t think I blogged about my flu shot opinion, but a few weeks back I was faced with one of many, many decisions I will have to make about my child and his health… Do I get him a flu shot? If so, which one? What about all of this media hype about H1N1? What on Earth do I do? Three days before his 1-year appointment, BBZ’s school reported the first case of H1N1. Everyone, including myself began to panic. What do we do now to protect our precious babies? Keep them home indefinitely? Get them vaccinations that we know about through media coverage and word-of-mouth? I felt so out of control and scared and panicky and all kinds of uneasy feelings that I really didn’t like. The media is such a fleeing frenzy. I decided then to wait and discuss this with BBZ’s doctor, you know, the one with the expertise and knowledge (as opposed to rumors and opinions). I am so lucky to have found a doctor that I love so much. Through all of BBZ’s sicknesses and well baby appointments, she and I and N have always been on the same page. I asked her what her thoughts were and she said she has had one flu shot in her life and she has never been sicker than she was after that shot. She said that they take a guess as to what strain to base the shot on and won’t know if it’s the right one until sometime in late January, when it will be too late for the immunization. I have never had a flu shot, so I couldn’t figure out why I would want one now. Oh wait, it’s because I have someone else who is more important than me to think about now. So I asked myself what I am willing to risk and weighed that with the possibilities of the other options and the opinion of my very well respected physician. You know, how people usually make decisions. I realized right then that most of my fear and uncertainty was not based on true information, but rather on what the media was reporting. I decided not to get any flu shots for me or for BBZ. And I made another decision...I completely stopped watching the news. This was exactly 3 weeks ago. I will say that I was addicted to the news. I think the underlying issue is that I wanted to have the TV on and I didn’t have time to look for something on TV, so I would put it on channel 2 news and leave it there until I left the house. I would also turn it on when I got home at 5pm and when I went to bed at 10pm or so. I don’t think I was as interested in what was going on as much as I wanted something on, but nonetheless I was watching a lot of news. So here I am, 3 weeks into this change and I am pretty happy. The TV isn’t even on before I go to work, and I turn music on when we get home instead. I do still turn the TV on for sleeping, but I generally put it on Everybody Loves Raymond or Sex and the City. I have escaped the negativity of the news and am enjoying the pleasant view here way out of the loop. I will say that even with my planned escape, I couldn’t get away from the balloon boy story, but that is another post for another day :)

Sing-a-long Sunday, Ripple

As most, if not all of you know, I am a huge fan of music. My husband and I met because of music. Most of my friends and I met because of music. It is a huge part of who I am and plays a big part in my life every single day. The words in songs are almost as important to me as the music itself, so I had an idea to share some of my very favorite songs on Sundays (which is probably my favorite day of the week, plus it has a nice ring to it). I've been thinking of this for a while, but could not decide which song to do first! I thought about having Gradle by Widespread Panic be the first song since that inspired the name of my blog, but I posted already about that one. Click here to check it out. We were watching Freaks and Geeks (which we rented through Netflix and have been watching for a few weeks now) and the very last episode closed with this song. By the way, if you didn't watch that show when it was on air, you should look into renting it. It was a great show. Ripple is probably the prettiest Grateful Dead song there is...and there are thousands. It is a beautiful song that N and I danced our first dance to at our wedding. It is one of my favorites and definitely does justice for the first of Sing-a-long Sundays. Enjoy!

If my words did glow
with the gold of sunshine
And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung,
Would you hear my voice come thru the music,
Would you hold it near as it were your own?

It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken,
Perhaps they're better left unsung.
I don't know, don't really care
Let there be songs to fill the air.

Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.

Reach out your hand if your cup be empty,
If your cup is full may it be again,
Let it be known there is a fountain,
That was not made by the hands of men.

There is a road, no simple highway,
Between the dawn and the dark of night,
And if you go no one may follow,
That path is for your steps alone.

Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.
You who choose to lead must follow,
But if you fall you fall alone,
If you should stand then who's to guide you?
If I knew the way I would take you home.

La dee da da da,
La da da da da,
Da da da, Da da,
Da da da da da
La da da da,
La da da, Da da,
La da da da,
La da, Da da.

Sharing the wealth, and some BBZ love!

So Chelsea over at Chelsea said so posted a link to get a FREE 8x8 photo book from shutterfly.com! I just ordered mine and am really pumped! Go here to read her instructions on how to get your code. You can't beat free! I took this video a while ago but never posted it. I love his little laugh!

A weeks worth of catch-up!

How quickly a week goes by when you are busy. I have done so much since my last post! Let me fill you in… My sister was in a play (her very first show and she got the lead!) in the far, far north, and I wanted to fly with BBZ there to see it. Flights to a place that no one goes unless they have to are very expensive, so in an attempt to save a few bucks, I bought a cheap ticket to KC where my mother was getting some medical stuff done and planned to make the 10-hour drive with her and BBZ in tow. N had enough frequent flyer miles to get a free flight home, so we thought. More on that later. The flight was uneventful and he did quite well. He was ready for a nap when we landed, which was good timing for our ride. We made a few necessary stops and others in between when the little man got cranky. He was just about d-o-n-e when we stopped for dinner. Since his bedtime is usually around 6:30 or 7pm, we decided to stretch our dinner out until then and finish the drive while he snoozed away in the back seat. He passed out quickly and we were on our way, planning to get to my parents house around 9pm. As we drove along, it suddenly started snowing…hard. I texted with N who gave us weather updates as we drove on, going about 45 mph. he kept saying we were though the worst of it, but to us it just kept getting worse. At one point we drove past a very busy exit where every single car exited. My mom and I wondered if they knew something we didn’t know. we drove about 4-5 more miles and decided it was too bad out to keep going. The upcoming exit said there was lodging so we decided to stop. As we came down the exit ramp the sign pointed that lodging was 4.5 miles to the left. It was a dark country road and I suddenly had thoughts of us driving off the road or some creepy far north dweller coming after us and thought it would be a better idea to get back on the interstate and drive to the exit where everyone else got off. That is what we did and we checked into a hotel for the night. BBZ woke up in the car when my mom was getting us a room. He was pretty wound up when we got into the room and didn’t settle down until around 10pm. He slept in a playpen next to the bed, so when he woke up around 2am and saw me he wanted to be where I was. I brought him to bed with me and snuggled. He is just the sweetest thing! At one point I had my eyes closed and was trying to show him that it is still sleep time and not play time, then I opened my eyes and he laid a big, fat, wet kiss right on my mouth then turned and snuggled into my chest. I just laid there and smiled. It was so special! We got up the next day and made the 3-hour trip to my parents house. I don’t think I have ever been so happy to get out of a car as I was right then! We had a fun day on Saturday and headed to the show Saturday night. The show was so good! My sister absolutely nailed it! I was so proud to see her up there, doing her thing. She got great reviews and I couldn’t be more proud. Sunday we spent the morning together and headed to the airport. We had to flights ahead of us and a 1-hour layover. To say I was nervous is an understatement. BBZ did well, all things considered, but it is not something I would like to do anytime soon, but I will be after all. To finish what I mentioned before, N had these frequent flyer miles that he hoped to turn in for a free 1-way flight, but little did we know that you cannot use points for a 1-way flight. I had already bought the cheap 1-way ticket and just needed a way to get home. N ended up coming up with the brilliant solution (as he all to often does). He booked the first leg of the one-way for me to get home this past weekend, and booked the other leg back to the far north during Thanksgiving weekend, which we just so happened to have been planning the week-long trip there anyway. He will make the 13-hour drive with Delilah and BBZ and I will land happily (hopefully) in the far north in just a few hours. That way we will only have to do 1, 13-hour trip with the little guy. Traveling is hard enough when you don’t have a toddler, but he adds a whole new dimension. So we got home safe and sound around 8pm and I had the worst headache in the world, I imagine from the stress of the trip. Then it was back to the grind the next day at work! It was a rough day, but I made it through. I sent BBZ to school yesterday just to get a handle on things around the house. It’s amazing how much I do on the weekend that I didn’t even realize! I had an amazingly productive day yesterday that included grocery shopping, cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning, laundry, hanging BBZ’s 1-year pictures on the wall, cooking a yummy chicken dinner, and washing diapers. It was a crazy busy weekend, but all worth it! I was a bit worried about how my dad would do as far as bedtime with BBZ. Actually, I wasn’t worried about my dad, I was worried about how BBZ would be with anyone besides me putting him to bed. I called my dad at the first intermission and he said that BBZ came to him and laid his head on his shoulder, which let my dad know he was getting tired. He took him upstairs to the boys’ room (the room reserved for BBZ and his cousin when they visit) and just snuggled with my dad and his blanket until he drifted off to sleep. I was so relieved! I always worry about him at bedtime since I am the one who always lays him down, but he did great. My little Mr. Independent. He's walking around like crazy, although he rarely goes more than 4-5 steps before dropping down to crawl. I really think he is a bit lazy and knows he can get there faster by just crawling. He has added 3 new words to his vocabulary including "ge-da" (get down), "aga" (again) and "MAA!" (mine). Let me tell you how much I LOVE that last one. It sounds very much like "mo" (more) but it very distinct when you combine it with grabbing whatever it is you are holding and pulling very hard in his direction. Ahhh, my little boy...he definitely knows what he wants!

Mama's Little Rockstar

Not Me! Monday!

I did not get so spoiled using disposable diapers while BBZ had diaper rash that I used them a few extra days. I definitely did not enjoy leaving daycare in the evening without poop-covered diapers. I always love cloth diapering and never, ever take shortcuts.

I did not stand in the shower and hand express my breast milk just to see how far I could spray it. I am not admitting this because MckMama admitted to doing something similar on her post today. I definitely do not do this all the time to see if it sprays further when I haven't fed BBZ in a while. I am not this easily amused and have much better things to do!

I did not turn BBZ's car seat around even though I know it is safer to have him rear facing past 1 year. His doctor did not tell me that me being tense because of his constant screaming in the car and my reaching behind me to hand him anything and everything to get him to stop screaming is just as dangerous. I was not absolutely thrilled when she gave me permission to turn him around. I did not try it today and he was not the happiest baby in the whole world while driving. He was also not the absolute cutest thing in the whole world in his big boy car seat!

I definitely did not have a few beers at the bar on date night on Friday. Even though I stopped early knowing there is always a small chance BBZ could wake up, I did not freak out and ask N if BBZ would start puking and have a hangover because I nursed him when we got home. N did not make fun of me and reassure me he is fine. I never worry about something so much that I can't sleep. Ever.

I did not watch BBZ sit in his little chair and strum his ukulele all day yesterday! I definitely did not sit and imagine what it would be like if he became a rock star and wonder what his stage name would be. I do not have ambitions that my son will be extra fantastic at music. I only have completely realistic expectations of my son's future and would never live vicariously through him.

Wow, that felt extra good this week for some reason! This blog carnival was started by MckMama, so head on over to her blog and see what she and other moms have not been up to this week.

Demanding Feedings vs. On-Demand Feeding

From the day I began nursing BBZ, it has been on demand. I have never set a schedule or deterred him from nursing even if he ate 30 minutes before showing he wanted to again. This has been our routine for the past year. So last week I noticed that BBZ had become extremely demanding about eating. He points at the spot on our couch where we most often nurse and cries and wiggles and does everything he can think of to get me to understand that he wants to nurse...NOW! So I thought maybe he was going through something and I was (in my head) writing a post for my LLL yahoo group to see if any other moms of 1-year-olds experienced this change as soon as they turned a year. While I was too busy to actually type that post, I figured it out. As soon as BBZ turned 1 year, I decided (almost unconsciously) that I would stop bringing him to me for feedings and would only feed him when he showed me he wanted to. As I said earlier, I have always fed him on demand, and would even bring him to me to nurse before he actually asked to help relieve me and because I knew if I did he wouldn't fuss for it. Little did I know that when I decided to no longer do this, he would learn very quickly how to let me know he is ready! How funny that I was so ready to blame him for making this strange transformation as soon as he turned 1, when it was me who made this change. It's amazing what our minds do without us even realizing. Now that I realize this, I am a bit more willing to listen to his demands and also a little quicker to meet his nursing needs so he doesn't get so mad. I'm sure some of it is his impatience, but I really did a cold turkey change with the way I approached this new nursing-a-toddler role I have taken on. If anyone asked me a year ago if I would nurse past a year, I would have said no way...but here I am! Never say never!