THIS is why I love September.

Ahhh, September.  It's my very, very favorite.

The beautiful weather, three Z birthdays, a broken computer and lots and lots of outdoor activities contributed to my lack of blogging in my very favorite month.  And what do I have to show for it?  Over 200 pictures!

Don't worry, I didn't include all of them.  And it seems like the best way to catch everyone up on what we have been up to is to divide our month into three posts.  Here is post #1!

I'm sure I have mentioned before that N's parents are civil war reenactors.  It is so fun to go to the events where they are and participate in the activities.  This was an event at one of our local parks that had all kinds of military stuff...

I think we had gone to the mall this morning because it was pretty rainy and we needed to get out of the house.  There was a Halloween store there and BBZ chose his 2012 costume.  A ninja!  He was so pumped about the ninja swords that we let him play with them that day.  Big mistake on our part because they are both broken already!

 

Even the Clydesdale's were there!  These horses are so big and beautiful.

 

That's what BBZ and his daddy are looking at.

 

Have you heard of the website dear photograph?  Check it out.  I thought of that concept when I took this picture.  I'd love to have BBZ come back to his back yard one day, reminisce about our sweet Delilah, and take a photo holding this one :)

Later this day we did one of our favorite outdoor activities...bubbles!

My happy boy.

 

We also celebrated my birthday on Labor Day weekend since N was off work and we were all together.  When I woke up, BBZ gave me this and said that he drew me a treasure map to find my presents.  He then led me downstairs and under the steps to get my present.  He was so excited! 

 

I have since returned to eating dairy, but at the time of my birthday, LBZ and I were still dairy free.  I wasn't even going to have a cake, but BBZ said I really needed one.  So I found a mix that was dairy, peanut and gluten free, which turned out pretty awesome!  I only had one "3" candle from BBZ's birthday last year, so we all pretended to have double vision since I am now 33.

For my real birthday we went to our old neighborhood, which is one of the "best streets in America" and had dinner at one of our favorite places.  BBZ won a prize...

...I had a delicious beer...

...and LBZ toddled around our old block with N as BBZ chased behind him.  It was a lovely evening and an absolutely perfect way to spend my birthday.

 



I told N that I really wanted a new car for my birthday.  My Xterra, while I loved it dearly, left me stranded 3 times in the last 3 months.  So I was ready to start looking at something new.  So, N bought me this...

...not exactly what I had in mind, but I'll take it!

 

The next week I decided to start looking into a new car.  I will save the story for another day, but this is what I bought myself!  I love it so much.  I will be pinching pennies for a little while, but driving it is so awesome.  I have never had a brand new car!  It only had 21 miles on it when I drove it off of the lot.  I love it!  And now we have a reliable car to travel with.  And miss Delilah can fit too!

For LBZ's real birthday, we decided to have a small little mini party for him.  We planned to have a joint party for both boys since all of the guests would be the same, but I really wanted to have a special little celebration just for him since the first birthday is such a big deal.  My mom came in town and N's family came over to celebrate.

I love this one.  They both love watermelon!

The Friday after LBZ's birthday, I officially gave up the fight against tubes for his ears and opted for the surgery.  It was such a hard decision, but it was one that I finally came to peace with.  He sailed through it and was barely crying as he woke up from the anesthesia, unlike his brother who cried for at least 20 minutes straight.  The doctor said that they sucked out a huge amount of fluid, so much that he wants to see him again in a week or so to make sure the tubes don't get clogged.  This still hasn't gotten us to the root of the problem, but at least he can finally have some much needed relief.

 

The day after his surgery, we had a one-day camping trip planned at our friend's vineyard.  Each year , a group of friend's help them harvest the grapes they grow to both sell and to make their own wine.  It's a lot of work, but we have fun and have a camping party afterwards on their land.

 

You know it's not a Z family road trip if one of the boys doesn't pee on the side of the road.

 

LBZ had a fever that morning which we figured was either from his 1-year vaccines or was a mild reaction to the surgery. It topped at 102.9 and barely came down with Tylenol.  So rather than camp like we planned, we packed the boys back in the car and headed home.  It was definitely the right decision as LBZ had a hard time sleeping in his own bed that night.

 

The boys were pretty worn out!

We headed to the park multiple times in September, so here are some random park photos :)

September is a big month for Jewish holidays.  As I've mentioned, we are not Jewish, but the boys go to a Jewish Community Center for preschool, so they observe and celebrate all of the Jewish holidays.

 

N and I try to share the days off, and one of them landed on Monday and Tuesday.  I'm already off on Mondays, so N got to spend a lovely Tuesday with the boys.

 

They had some lazy time in the morning, but it wasn't long before they were off to the zoo!

This is one of BBZ's favorite spots.

N sent me a text that said "That peacock stole my French fry!!!  Poor Lu."  I didn't quite understand that text until I saw this photo on instagram.  So cute!

I love him.

I love this photo.  LBZ LOVES to swing, but BBZ does get a little over excited about it and may have pushed him just a little too hard this time.

 

I love how extra fuzzy LBZ's hair is here.  And I love that he is growing into BBZ clothes.  When he wears something that BBZ wore, I am reminded of things BBZ and I did while he was wearing certain outfits.  I love it.

 

Notice all of the apples pieces on his shirt below?  For some reason he likes to chew on apples, but he almost never swallows it.  Just one of his funny things, I guess.  He is also waving and saying "hi, da-da" even though N is no where around.  He does love his daddy though and runs to him when he gets home form work.

 

At the end of the month we visited our closest neighborhood park that was having a festival.  We played games, toddled around, and watched some performers.

There is a class at BBZ's school called Little Ninjas that N and I have considered signing BBZ up for.  We did soccer last year, which was a major fail.  I've been hesitant to pay for anything else since he didn't enjoy soccer, but he has insisted that he wants to do little ninjas, so we will see.

 

I took him to this performance so he could see what it's like to be in a class like this, and he really loved it and wants to take a class.  Hopefully they will have a winter class since we missed the fall one.

 

Whew, so that's the beginning of September!  I already have 2 more posts loaded with pictures that I need to post.  Hopefully I will get to those soon!

Four Years Old.

Dear Big Brother Z,

Today, my eldest son, you are four years old.

It's hard to believe that four years have passed since you came into our lives. I don't really remember what life was like before you came along. I feel as though you have always been with me.

You are really coming into your own. I see your personality further developing and I could not be more proud of the kind-hearted boy you are. Your teachers say that all the girls at school like you and they think it's because of your kindness. That makes my heart smile.

You sure can be a challenge though. I know those times are just you exercising your independence from your daddy and me, and I try hard to stay patient and try to teach you about the world. You already have so much figured out.

I can't wait to see how your interests develop. I know you already have a story and I can't wait to see how it's written. Will you continue to love to swim? Will you excel at karate since you "want to be a ninja and save the world"? Will you like sports? Or music? Will you be a scientist since you have shown interest in experiments? Only time will tell, and while I wouldn't wish your youth away for anything, I am so excited about what the future holds for you.

You still ask me to stay with you in bed until you fall asleep. While I sometimes wish I could say goodnight and leave, that time at night is so precious to me. You like to talk for a while, then have me sing Three Little Birds, then lay with you until you fall asleep. You are honest and vulnerable at this precious time, and I learn so much about you right before you fall asleep. I wouldn't change it for the world.

You teach me to keep life simple. That nothing can cure hurt feelings like a kiss and a piece of chocolate. That I am getting older. That we all need to ask for what we want (like when you get in trouble and tell me "I'm so sad mommy, I need a hug").

You made us a family four years ago, and you continue to teach me about what is really important in life. I love you so much, BBZ.

Love,
Mommy

Little Brother Z is One Year Old!

Dear LBZ,

One year ago today, my sweet littlest boy, you came into our lives.  I remember the day of your birth like it was yesterday.  I remember the way you looked with the bag of water still covering the right side of your face and head, the way your sweet cry sounded, the unbelievable feeling of accomplishment I had when the birth was over, and the way it felt to finally hold you in my arms.

 

You were the picture of perfection in this mama's eyes.  You were so soft, and snuggly, and my perfect little second born.  And have been a different mama to you.  I am more relaxed.  I am more comfortable.  I have done this once, and I was so much better prepared this time.

You were such a happy baby.  I complained about your sleep, but overall you have always done fairly well.

It was crazy when you found those fingers!  I still can't believe you would just fall asleep on the floor.  You were never reliant on me for falling asleep.  At times you were, but it was rare.  You have spent your first of many years being our Mr. Independent.

That fuzzy hair was just to die for!  There is a small part on the back that still stands up, but not like it used to.

Oh, those eyes!

You are walking all over our home.  I can't believe how fast you mastered it.  Two weeks after you took your first steps you decided that walking would be your main mode of transport, and you do it well!

 

 

You have a great vocabulary already.  You say milk, mama, dada, brother, bottle, ball, more and bye-bye.  You have a temper too!  You throw things when you are mad and throw yourself on the floor when you are frustrated.  We might be in for it with you and that temper.  We shall see :)

 

You hold your blanket so softly to your cheek when you are tired or feeling snuggly.  You still suck your 2 fingers on your left hand a lot.  It's starting to drive me crazy, but I know it will likely work itself out.

 

You eat an unbelievable amount of food.  You love fruits and veggies and just about everything else I offer you.  Tuna, turkey, hummus, peaches, pears, apple slices, fish sticks and crackers are just some of your favorites.  Watermelon is probably your absolute favorite food.  That's one reason why I made you the cake I did.

 

 

 

You also absolutely love your bath.  The other night, we were in the great room and I asked if you were ready for your bath.  You waddled all the way back into the bathroom and looked at me pointing and saying "bat, bat, bat!"  It was so cute.  We also sing a "bye-bye water" song when it's time to get out, so when I push the button down to drain the water you start swaying back and forth and singing "ba-ba, ba-ba".  I so look forward to your bath time!

 

You also LOVE your daddy.  You run to him when he comes home from work and pat his back when he picks you up.  You walk around the house saying "da-da, da-da" wondering where he is.

 

You have brought so much joy to our lives, sweet baby Lu.  You have made me question so much about myself as a mother and have helped me grow, just in one year.  I am so looking forward to what the future brings and can't wait to watch you and your brother grow.

 

I love you so much.

 

Love,

Mommy

What LBZ's Nursing Strike Has Taught Me About Me.

I am a true believer that growth can come from change.  When everything is operating at a perfect rhythm, nothing is learned.  No growth takes place because everyone is safely inside the little box that is their life.

Don't get me wrong, there really isn't anything wrong with that.  I prefer living in my self-created box.  But when an unexpected change happens, something that shakes up everything I thought, planned, and expected from my life and my child, growth inevitably happens.

Before LBZ's nursing strike, everything was operating in a perfect rhythm.  Our routine was set.  Everyone knew what to expect.  It was nice and quiet and predictable and it was our life.  When he suddenly stopped nursing, my whole life was turned upside down.

I didn't know how to mother him.  I didn't know how to pump when I was with him.  I didn't know how to be a mom to him.  Quite frankly, I didn't know who I was if I was not a nursing mom.

I had myself in a box.  A box that said "I'm a nursing mom.  I plan to nurse my toddler until he's 2.  I am an attached parent and I show the world that by (among other things) breastfeeding my older child."  And just like that, LBZ pulled me out of my box.

I began to think back to the weeks leading up to his strike.  Besides in the morning, when I picked him up from school, and before bed, I ALWAYS brought LBZ to me to nurse.  Not once, that I can remember from recent months, did he ever come to me and ask to nurse.  Not once.

I would bring him to me when my body felt like he needed to eat.  It didn't even occur to me that he may not want to.  There were times he nursed with no trouble when I brought him to me, but other times he would fight it, but I would end up winning.  Looking back, I was breaking my own "rule" of following the baby's lead without even realizing I was doing it.  I was in my box and I had LBZ safely in his.

I also realized that because LBZ is so laid back and easy going, and because his brother is the polar opposite and is intense and needy (I mean that in a very lovingly way), LBZ was often just sort of...there.  He was so overshadowed by his brother's need for my attention that I often allowed LBZ to play on the floor on a blanket or entertain himself with some toys.  Because he did just that. 

His strike was a huge shock to me, so it got my attention.  He got my attention.  I suddenly watched everything he did as I attempted to figure out what caused the strike.  When I began to accept that he would not nurse again, I began to see something I didn't see before.  A glimpse into my littlest boy's personality, which is vastly out of the box I put him in and vastly different from his older brother.

And all I can say is, thank goodness I learned this now.

Thank goodness he didn't just do what I wanted and expected him to do.  Thank goodness he decided to show me who he is, separate from what I thought he was and separate from his brother.  Thank goodness I get to learn about who he is in this way right now, because he could have easily stayed in the box I placed him in for years, and suddenly at 16 break out of that box only for me to realize that I missed who he was, as a separate person than I thought, for many, many years.

He taught me that I am who I am, nursing mother or not.  My choices may shape my life and my practice, but those things do not define me.  I am so much more than a nursing mom.  I am his mom.  I am BBZ's mom.  I am learning to be flexible and to question my expectations and allow myself to feel out of control.

That is what a lot of this comes down to.  Control.  My boys make me feel completely out of control of my own life, and I am learning to love it.  Me, the planner, the have to have everything planned and the outcome figured out before I even start.  These boys are teaching me to roll with life.  They keep me guessing and make me wonder what will happen next.  They help me feel alive.

I am so grateful to my sweet littlest boy for teaching me all of this.  Had he stayed safe in the box I made for him, and had I stayed safe in the box I made for myself, I would never grow.

"If we don't change, we don't grow.  If we don't grow, we aren't really living." ~Gail Sheehy

"If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves." ~Carl Jung

 

Silent Sundays - Our Weekend.